...welcome to my ramblings...


Christmas is over...but the gifts keep giving!

I love to give people gifts at Christmas...but who I am kidding, it's nice to get stuff too! Here a some of my favorite gifts....

My husband got me...a new coach purse! I love it...it is so cute! :)

He also gave me a black ipod nano. He gave me a gift card for itunes too.

I was also lucky enough to receive a Southern California Disneyland Resort Passport!! I am so excited about this one!! Now, Nick has to get one!

This is another one that I am really excited about...the Sex in the City Complete Series DVD Set!! Thanks, Dad!

I guess I am really excited about all of them!! Thanks, everyone!!! Hope you had a great Christmas & enjoy the New Year!


I did it!

I think I did anyway...I finished all of my Christmas shopping! Last week I had none of it done. I did almost all of it today! I'm so happy! Now I have to wrap it all. Oh well, at least I don't have to go out to the malls anymore to shop, only to people watch...that is fun to do, especially around Christmas time. Lots of people with puzzled & frantic looks on their faces. It's great!


writing #7

The leaves are falling fast now, the seasons seem to change so quickly; much like my life.
The life I live through You is so much different than the one before.
I finally see that it's only
Through You I can see love,
Through You I can be love,
Through You I can be someone who helps those in need.

If it's Your grace that sets us free & the knowledge of You is all we need,
Then why are there so many around who say they know You & talk about Your grace but still seem to fade into the crowd?
When will they see it really is
Through You they can see love,
Through You they can be love,
Through You they can reach out to help those in need.

If we really believe in Your grace & love, we should shout it to the lost around us.
If we really want to be Your servants we should let Your love lead our lives.
Help us Lord, to really show them that
Through You we can see love,
Through You we can be love,
Through You we can be the ones reaching out to those in need.


I love the beach!

The beach is a wonderful place! Although on our past couple of trips we have seen couples making out under blankets and/or in cars, in the middle of the day, a young couple smoking pot while holding a toddler amidst the smoke and many other interesting sights, the beach is still such a beautiful place! The ocean sounds alone are enough to keep me coming back. When you add in the sights and scents - I am definitely blessed to live so close to the ocean. I think I really need to take it in a lot more! Not too mention, when we go to Redondo Beach Pier, we sometimes get a churro...and these are the best churros ever! They are made fresh right there & they are better than any churro I've ever had! But yeah, I'm definitely a beach lover! Not a lay-out-in-the-sand-and-feel-dirty lover, but a go-to-the-beach-and-soak-in-the-beauty lover!! On our last visit I took a couple of pictures as the sun was going down...I posted some on my previous post. I think the sunset has to be one of the best models - it is constantly giving the photographer sublte changes that make each shot it's very own.

The beautiful ocean...


Life is good now...

Well, last night was my first practice back as a member of the praise team. It actually went rather well. I am excited to be back!! I feel like this is where I am supposed to be - I just have a real peace & happiness about it. I'm thankful that God is able to use me. Thanks for you prayers in this transition time...keep praying for me & my church. Thanks! I know there is lots more in store for my church. We are getting ready for the 40 Days of Community...I know there are people who are not looking forward to the campaign. While this frustrates me & saddens me, I would ask that you would pray for the leaders to not be discouraged & for the people of my church to participate...even those grumpy people who never participate in anything & who are already complaining about doing something new! Thanks!!! :)


New direction...

Ok, so after lots of praying, thinking & talking to others, I decided to join the praise team again. I really missed singing & felt that's where God wanted me. I know I'm going to miss the nursery, but I was also beginning to miss being in sunday services. I am still going to be the person who organizes the volunteers for both the infant & toddler nurseries & I am the person in charge of making sure both nurseries are stocked with the proper supplies & all that stuff. I start singing again on Oct. 2nd...I'm excited, but it may be a little strange too, since there have been some changes since I left (new people & some of the old people doing different stuff)...I just hope everything goes good.



I have been pretty frustrated lately with the lack of communication and leadership among certain "leaders" at my church. I am feeling that there are certain areas that maybe I need to step up and take leadership...but I'm not too sure? Please pray that God will show me where He wants me. I know He wants me serving Him & He wants me serving His people, but I'm having a little trouble figuring out exactly where...just pray for me. Thanks! :)


Written by my Grandma, Betty Allen...

My grandmother was a manic depressive. She wrote a book of her life (it's not published yet, but I hope to someday publish it) and as I was going through the pages, I came across this...it is like a prose almost or a story about her disease....One Hell of A Ride on the Roller Coaster....When I woke up that morning, I thought it was just another day. Was I ever in for a suprise? My old friend who lives somewhere inside my brain had decided to take me for a long trip. This monster is not like the ones you see and or ride in an amusement park. This demon takes control of your every waking moment. You might as well just sit back and enjoy the trip. Sometimes it takes you shopping and you buy everything you see, whether you need it or not. This time it decided we would clean the house, every single nook and cranny. I don't mean just using the sweeper and dusting. Nothing that simple, we would wash every single thing in the house or the yard. He kept me going all night and all day. I didn't even take time to eat or sleep. Two or sometimes I slept as much as three hours. He kept me going until I could barely make it up the stairs to go to bed. There were nights I had to crawl up the steps, but he showed me no mercy. I got so tired I would fall. I would cut myself and I made large sores on my hands. I bruised my knees until I was just about unable to get up when I sat down. I had always had beautiful fingernails. I abused my hands and tried to hide them so no one could see. We had to go to a social function of some sort and I went to the drug store and bought fake nails and glued them on. We need to name this monster, we can't go just saying the monster. The lowest, meanest thing I can think of is a copperhead snake, so we will just call him Red. Old Red never let up. He made me clean everything in the upstairs; there are three bedrooms and a shower up there. He made me clean all the closets and arrange the clothes in the room that I Had made into a walk-in closet. The clothes must be arranged by color, then skirts, blouses, dresses and everything else. Why he cared about this is beyond my comprehension. Then we started on the jewelry - it had to be put in it's own space. Red just drove me like a slave. I was on this hellish ride and couldn't get off. God have pity on anyone who gets in Red's way. He will just step on them and grind them under his feet. He is not a pretty sight. I haven't seen him but I know how he looks, with his copper bands and his eyes with their crossive slits. I hate him with a vengence, but that just makes him work me harder. It just about drives my darling husband, Neal, crazy. Sometimes I think he understands. He knows I am being driven to do all of these stupid things, but way down inside, I do not think he can comprehend how it really is. I hope he never finds out. Red is always there just waiting for me to jump on the roller coaster. Then he knows that he will take control and make me do some very stupid things. He will make me go shopping and I buy anything I happen to like for that day. Sometime after the first time I was really manic, in 1991, I started watching the Home Shopping Club and wasted about three thousand dollars on junk jewelry. My daughter, Diane and I went to look at some furniture for her house. She didn't buy anything, but Old Red made me get two lazy boy chairs and a new refrigerator. I just whipped out the old plastic...it would get me anything I wanted. Just whip out old plastic and bingo, it would get me anything I happened to want for that moment. That's all that was written...I know there are some edits necessary and it probably was going to go on and become a story, but that's all I've got. But it does shed a little light on how a person who is manic depressive feels at times. It gives a bit of insight how a person feels out of control and not themselves when they are depressed. This has helped me and my views on suicide. My grandma didn't committ suicide, but she has since passed. However, this writing helps me to see how some people I know who have died of suicide, or those who have attempted it, may have felt. Just wanted to share it with others.


Why me?

Ok...so I thought I had a fever blister outbreak on my chest. It seemed like I had a bunch of fever blisters, so I thought I'd go to the doctor, get some medicine and it would be all good. Well, I was wrong. The doctor informed me it was not fever blisters, but rather it was shingles! Yep, you read that correctly, shingles, I have shingles. It started last Tuesday & I found out last Thursday from the Dr. He prescribed some medicine for me and it is slowly going away. But since I volunteer in the infant nursery at church, I had to find someone else to do it for me Sunday...it seems I am contagious, and little babies could've gotten chicken pox from me. I looked up a little online about shingles and I found out the following increase your risk for shingles:

  • Being over the age of 50. (okay, I'm only 26??)
  • Having a weakened immune system due to another disease, such as diabetes or HIV infection. (I don't have any diseases?!?)
  • Developing chickenpox prior to age 1. (hmmm...I did have chickenpox when I was almost a year old or so, I think?!?)
  • Having Hodgkin's lymphoma. Up to 25% of people with Hodgkin's lymphoma develop shingles. (yeah, this doesn't apply to me either?!?)

But as I said, the medication that I have to take 5 times a day is working and the outbreak seems to be slowly going away. I just thought that was a very random thing! Random things are always happening to me! I guess that's just the way life goes! :)


Thought of the moment...

"God calls us to be faithful; God doesn't call us to be successful!" - Barbara Johnson


What's up with those?!

Man, what are up with the comments that are really ads?!?? They are really annoying! How can I stop them from being posted? Does anyone know? For now I'll just have to delete them.


writing #6

Baby within me; you are only a dream now.
You are a hope of what will one day come.
The love you represent is beautiful and genuine.
How miraculous you are.
Baby within me; one day I will feel you kick.
I will learn your yes’s and no’s.
You will share your hopes and fears with me.
How creative you are.
Baby within me; you will teach me many things.
I don’t know your name or when you will arrive,
But you already have my love and my acceptance.
How adored you are.
Baby within me; one day you will love.
You will learn about Jesus love and how He made you.
I pray you will share that love with others.
How blessed am I.


Back to the gym...

So for the past couple of weeks I've been going back to the gym. I actually stopped my membership at L.A. Fitness & decided to join one of those women's gyms - it's like Curves, you know where the whole workout routine is pretty much laid out for you & it's a good workout. :) I go to Ladies Workout Express. It's cheaper than L.A. Fitness per month - I'm saving $20/month! Also I enjoy it more & I really feel like I am working out. I also want to get back into running. While I was a cheerleader in high school our trainer had us running at least a mile (4 laps) every day. While we ran the laps around the track, we also had to run the bleachers as part of the lap. Well, a few weeks ago, I don't know what I was thinking, but I went to my old high school & tried to do the same thing I did when I was an in-shape-high-school-cheerleader. Needless to say, I only did one lap, not four or more like I used to. After that first lap, I really thought I was going to pass out!! I thought I was having an asthma attack...and I don't even have asthma!! I was very frustrated that I barely made it around the track one time doing the bleachers. But after talking about that with Nick & my dad, I realize that was stupid! Of course I couldn't make it!! I'm out of shape! So now I have a new goal - to eventually make it around 4 laps (w/bleachers) like I did in high school. I have to start slow. So today, after my workout at the gym, when I got out of my car, I ran one time around my apartment complex...it's a pretty good size complex. I'm guessing it's pretty close to one lap (w/o bleachers). So I'm on my way! Wish me luck!!


Pirate parties...

Pirate parties are fun...but just remember, when it's 105 degrees outside & your air conditioner is broken, you are going to get sweaty. Just ask Jacob (the cute little one not looking to happy.)

Found the treasure!

Eye'n more treasure...

...oh yeah, don't forget the cool cake!

See, not so happy when it's hot!

Still hot, sweaty and not so happy!

I passed!

Going to school online has it's ups & downs, one of the things I like about going to an actual classroom is that you have that bit of competitive drive to try and do better than the people in your class; that drive to try and be the best at everything. Well, although that is missing, I still get good reviews from my mentor. I heard from my mentor that I passed my first final exam. It was really easy, but she said I passed with an excellent score & to keep up the good work! That's encouraging news! :) I am all set to take another final in a couple of weeks. If I could just complete all my math assignments I'd be set! I just need to stay focused...it's so hard! Oh well, I know I have to do it, so I will! :)



Writing #5

The preacher gives a message
And we all feel so elated,
But once I get back home,
My world is devastated.
While the horror grows I try to
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.

"Walking daily in His word,"
It's so much easier to say.
The hate and selfish feelings
Seem to surface every day.
I try to tell myself to
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.

We all just want the peace Christ freely gives -
Why is it so hard sometimes to just let go of all of life's troubles and
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.



I couldn't resist the cheesy title...this was Keira's first Oreo cookie. Her mommy wasn't around while she was eating it, so I had to take some pics for her. Man, Keira loved that cookie!


I'm alive...I really am!

So I haven't written in like a month...but I've been really busy. It seems like I have less time now than I did before, when I had a full time job?!?! It's really crazy?! Anyway, today I was able to attend the wedding of Sharon Wishard & Kevin Keeton. It's always nice to go to a wedding, but I think it's even better when you think the couple are made for eachother...and I think these two are perfect for eachother. It was a nice day to have a wedding too. The sun was shining, but there was a nice breeze; after the wedding there was yummy cake that everyone ate while standing & sitting around out on the church lawn. After that, a small group of family and friends went to the park to enjoy the beautiful day & to celebrate the wedding of Kevin & Sharon. It was a great day for a picnic in the park! The newlyweds are so happy! It's just so great to see them both so happy! Ok...well enough rambling! I'll have to post something about what's going in my life later...not too much of interest to post though?!



This song keeps going throught my head...it's from the movie My Girl...actually I think it's from My Girl 2...

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrows
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through if you
Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear, may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just, smile

...I like that song! :) Although, when you really think about the song, it's not too good of an idea to just hide your feelings and pretend to be happy all the time. It really is a bad thing to smile when you feel like crying and to hide every trace of sadness...but now that I think about it, I think lots of people are really like this...I know I am like that a lot to many people...but at least I'm not like that to Nick. I can never hide how I'm feeling from him, even if I try! :) He sees right through it!


New stuff...

Today I got a new laptop...or notebook, as they are mostly called nowadays. I can't wait to put it to some use, but I'm supposed to let it charge first.


Can't sleep...Writing #4...I think...

Perfect, what I thought it would be.
A dream-like place you can't get enough of.
An embrace that sends flutters to the center of your being.
The kiss that invites sweet songs to your mind.
It becomes comfortable; it becomes real.
It is what it is - the hope of what it can be.
It is beautiful in a warped view.
It is imperfect.


Secure with my life...

I feel a little like a housewife today, for the first time since I've been married. I don't have a job that I'm supposed to be at today, I'm supposed to be here, in my house. So I went to the gym, I'm going to wash clothes & I'm going to finally try to finish scrapbooking the pictures from our wedding. Oh & I also need to vacuum & wash a few dishes. I think I like feeling like a housewife...but I'm not sure if my checking account is going to like it? Oh well. I start my online classes tomorrow, June 1st. The first class that I have to take is a course which basically assesses how well you can use the internet & stuff. So it shouldn't be too difficult at all. After that course is finished, I can get into the courses I'm going to need for my teaching degree. I'm so excited! I can't wait to see what my life will be like in 5 years. But I am not going to put any ideas into my head...I'm going to just see where the Lord leads me. It's fun to see what adventures God places in our lives. It also gives me a sense of security, even though I don't know what's coming....that sounds a little weird, but it's so true. :)


The good ole days...

I found this picture on my dad's computer. I thought it was so cute. It's hard to believe we were all so small...it's my brother, Chris, my sister, Sonja & me...I'm the little baby with huge eyes. Every time I've ever seen this picture it always makes me giggle...look how hard Sonja is holding on to the carpet...it's like she's about to fall...I wonder what happened after the flash? :)


Aren't they cute!

The three little ones below are who I have spent the last several sunday mornings with...they are the three babies I have in the nursery during Sunday School and morning service. They are so adorable. I really feel blessed to spend the mornings with them. I'm thankful that God has brought so many new changes into my life. Who knows what will be next? I will be starting my classes toward becoming a teacher either June 1st or July 1st...it really depends on how the whole financial aid thing turns out. I am also going to really be done with Compex this week...friday is the last day! I'm glad that I will be done with it, but the pay check will definitely be missed. I know the Lord will provide, but it will be different for awhile. Oh well...again, aren't they so cute!!! :)





Last day as a CSR for Compex!

Today is my official last day working as a Customer Service Rep in the Special Services department at Compex! I am happy that it is finally over...but I have agreed to come back in for the next 2 weeks as a consultant. I will be coming in for only 4 hours a day to train the new hires. Of course when offered the opportunity, I said I'd think about it. They offered me more money, of course & said I could come in 4 or 5 hours a day. I came back with a response that I would work from 8:30am - 12:30pm & I asked for more money than they offered. They said, "It's a deal!" So now I'll be working here for 2 more weeks...but it will be different, cause I'll only be here for 4 hours a day. And I won't be doing the work, I'll be training & looking over other people's work. I'm still going to get my final paycheck today & I already signed all of the exit papers. Next step, I'm clearing my desk...then it will seem real, when I have an empty cubicle! :)


Happy Mom's day!!



Puddles make good mirrors.


Maya Angelou said this...

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both
hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."
"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."


Don't you wonder what little Fiona is looking at? I think she's actually looking at herself in the mirror. Already a little prima donna & she isn't even 2!! :)

She is just too cute!


- KEEP ON POPE'IN! - I'm not Catholic...but this is a pretty big deal, so I thought I'd post it!


I am sitting here at work, just in my own world. I am not here, really. My mind is thinking about so many other things that I could be doing that I would enjoy so much more. On my lunch break I went by my church and started to put together a new baby thing for the baby nursery. It is a bouncer…I bought it on Saturday, but I didn’t have time to put it together before Sunday. So I want to put it together sometime today. I think I’ll go back tonight to finish it. I also wish I could be at home cleaning house & finishing laundry – which is sort of crazy…who wants to be at home cleaning & doing laundry? It really sounds strange, but I would rather be there then here! Once I finish cleaning house, maybe I could finally sit down and start scrapbooking my wedding. That would be fun! Oh yeah, and then there is the entrance exam that I need to complete for the online school I’m considering attending to obtain my teaching degree….so much to do and I am stuck here. I am so excited that I will only be working here until May 13; I am so excited to see what my future holds; I am so excited to move on; I am so excited to just completely trust in the Lord with all of my heart & leave everything up to Him; I am just so excited!!


Silly fun in the back of a van!



This was taken in Canada a long time ago...when were just in high school, dating & serving on a youth team with our church. We were in Canada helping out with a camp for little Native American kids...this was a weekend where we got to explore what was around Canada. I think this was at Lake Missinipi...or something like that.


Help people out...

Check this out...it seems like a good start to something!


Life may be coming together after all!

Ok...so I'm really frustrated with my current job at Compex. I've been thinking and praying a whole lot about a part-time job coming my way & about going back to school to get my teaching degree. I think everything is falling into place. I'm going through the enrollment process with an online school & everything looks great there. I also have two different job possibilities that will both be way better than sitting in a cubicle all day. Also, I am may be taking on a new leadership role at church as the Nursery Attendant for the infant nursery. I'm really trying to find a place where I can lead a ministry...and this one may fit perfectly! Please keep praying for me. Thanks!


I think I'm dying a slow death...

I've felt like crap for almost 2 weeks now! Every morning I feel like I'm going to cough to death!! It's crazy! Oh well...I'm sure I'll get better sometime soon! I need to go to the doctor, I think.


A new baby!

My friend Darla gave birth to her second baby today. A little girl named Rayna...I'm not too sure on the spelling yet or the middle name...I think it was going to be Jade. She's not so little...9lbs & 9 oz & 22 inches long! Her proud daddy, Chad called to let Nick & I know; unfortunately he had to leave a message so we didn't get to talk to him, so we couldn't ask details, but we'll call him sometime later. I'm so happy for them! They now have the perfect family...a little boy & a little girl. :) God really does do miraculous things!! At first they had some difficulties getting pregnant...when they got pregnant with Seth, he was the little miracle baby they had been trying & trying for...and then, to be able to be blessed with another baby - Rayna is truly another miracle! Praise God! I can't wait to be able to see pictures of her...I wish I could go visit, but who knows?

I also got a new camera! I have a regular film camera, but only Nick had a digital...& it's kind of old. Well, now I have my own digital. When Melissa - one of my good friends - was here visiting, she got a cool camera for her birthday. Well, it made me start looking into cameras & I found a cool deal online for one that looks a lot like hers...it may be the same...I'm not too sure? Anyway...I can't wait to try it out & start taking some pictures! Too bad I'm not too sure how to put pictures up on this page yet, but I'll figure it out.

I also got an application for this job that I'm thinking about. It's with a school district, working in the district office. I'm not too sure about it, but maybe? It's a pretty good paying, part-time job. I also applied to the online school I've been thinking about...I'm going to try to get my teaching degree & become an elementary teacher. I regret not going into that right after high school...but better late than never!

I know this is a lot, but I haven't posted in awhile!!! Also, I'm pretty excited about my day! But, the only thing that really sucks about this weekend is that we lose an hour, which means it's really not 11:15pm, it's 12:15pm...which means, I need to try to get to sleep so I can wake up & get to Sunday School on time, so the little kids I teach won't be hiding under the table when I finally get to class! Ok...well, until next time....



Can I go home yet?!? I am really getting burned out here at work! I definitely need to look into doing something else with my life...because this is driving me mad!! Pray for me, please!!! I am trying to figure out where God wants me; pray that He'll show me soon!


So much for the plan...

Ok, so I'm lame! I totally messed up my plan of writing at least once a week...but I've been pretty busy lately. I had an awesome weekend at Women's Retreat this past weekend...I'll talk more about that later. Just wanted to say, yes, I'm alive.


I'm leaving town...

Going to Virginia of all places. Nick & I are going to visit Darla & Chad (& Seth too)...it will be so fun! I'm so excited to have a week off of work!!! YIPPEEEEEE!!!!


My b-day is coming...

it's tomorrow!

Happy Love Day!

So last night I had a great night! My husband & I don’t make too big of a deal of Valentine’s day…we love each other every day! But my birthday & his birthday are this month, so we can’t get too out of control on gifts. Anyway, when I got home, Nick was already cooking dinner – we had Veal & Risotto…it was yummy! We even had a little wine with our dinner. See we’ve got some wine in the fridge that we never drink, so last night when I went to grab the water out of the fridge, I thought since it was Valentine’s day, we’d drink wine. Anyway, we then had planned to go rent a movie…well, we got there and had no idea what we would rent, so we looked around for what seemed like an hour…it was probably only half an hour. Anyway, it was finally between Maid in Manhattan (which I’d already seen) and Shall We Dance (which neither of us have seen)…yes, a JLo night…we decided on Shall We Dance since neither of us had seen it. We went up to the counter & realized we didn’t have a membership, so I started to fill out the application & the guy behind the counter said they only had Shall We Dance on VHS….VHS!!! Who uses those anymore?! We have a VCR, but it’s not on the big T.V….so we then decided we’d just get Maid in Manhattan….but I didn’t really want to & Nick could tell…I continued filling out the application & when I got to the line that asked for your Social Security #, Nick said, “Why do they need that? That’s dumb. Let’s just go.” I quickly said, “Ok,”…because I didn’t really want that movie anyway! So we decided we’d just see what was on HBO/Cinemax/Showtime on Demand since those are free. We chose a movie & then we were going to get ready to make our milkshakes. Then we realized it was Monday….that means Las Vegas was on….and it was a new one….so there went the idea of a movie….we love our Las Vegas!!! Anyway, we made some yummy coffee vanilla chocolate chip milkshakes and then watched our favorite T.V. show together! It was nice. I had a wonderful time! We also just spent some quiet time together after our show…we just enjoyed each other. I love my husband!! Oh yeah, we did get gifts for each other…we didn’t really exchange them, we rather left them out for each other…when I got up, Nick was asleep & he had set my gift out for me when he got home from work at 5:00am…he got me a really pretty pin or broach that I wanted & a necklace I told him I liked – both from Banana Republic. I had set his gift out for him the night before, knowing he’d be home in the am…I got him the Rocky DVD collection along with a cute stuffed monkey…see he wants a real monkey, so the a stuffed one will just have to do. Anyway…I hope everyone had a great Valentine’s day….regardless of if you are married or not. I also hope everyone remembers every day should be a love day…not just February 14th!


In His Hands...

I know my life is in God's hands. I know He is in control. But lately I think I've started to try to sit on top of Him in the driver's seat instead of just sitting next to Him in the passenger's seat. I've recently realized to scoot over & let Him do His thing...but I wish I knew what that was going to be?!? I am really just sick of jobs that seem to be pointless. By pointless I mean not so important in regards to "The Main Thing" - you know, people and their lives & why we were put on this earth - weren't we put here to serve the Lord & others? I think I need a job where I feel like I am teaching people or showing them something about the Lord...or I need a job where I feel that I am making a difference in someone's life. I guess I should've stuck with the job I used to want...when I was in high school I sometimes thought about being a teacher...I think I should've stuck that one out...at least then I'd feel like I'm leaving some sort of an impact on someone's life. Who knows? I think I just need to wait on the Lord right now & just keep being joyful & know that in His time, however long it may be, He will reveal His plans to me.



Whoo hoo!
Wait, is that really exciting anymore??

Now that's exciting!

People & work...

I think people take their jobs too seriously! Like at my work, people let their job ruin their mood. They let their job stress them out. They let their job determine if they will sleep good or not. I think that's crazy! Don't get me wrong, I take my job seriously, in the way that I do my work, but in the grand scheme of life - unless you are a doctor, teacher or a preacher - your job isn't really that important! Oh well...just my opinion!


New Piercing

I got my lip pierced! It's not really my lip, it's on my upper lip & they call it a beauty mark piercing. It's on my left side. It's cool...I like it. But right now it's still healing so it's a little swollen sometimes & sometimes it's a little red. I hope it gets better soon! Oh well! :)


I'm so happy!!!!

I finally got my new lipstick! I know, pretty lame thing to be happy about, but I had to order it from New York. See when I visited New York with my fashion class we visited a make-up studio & got discounts on the make-up. Well, I found this lipstick & fell in love with it! I used it until there was nothing left...I've been using a lipstick brush to scrape the bottom of the tube for almost a year now! Anyway, I had looked online before, but they didn't sell it online...well, they finally have an online store! YEAH! So I bought some last week & got it today!!! YEAH!!!! It's Wisteria by Il-Makiage...it's the best!


What the heck?

What's up with me? I think I need to start some happy stuff! After reading my writings on this page, it just seems like they are so depressing! Ok...so soon I will write something happy. That's my new goal. Or at least something that leaves you feeling content after reading it!! Sorry for whoever reads this!


I can't turn it off.
It just won't go away.
It's so loud; it rings throughout my mind, always.
It's as loud as the steady bass drum in a marching band.
Yet it's as quiet as a mountaintop in the dead of winter.
This noise I can't turn off is the silence that yells at me constantly.
It's the silence I hear when I try to map out my future.
It's the silence I hear when I cry myself to sleep.
It's the silence I hear when I tell myself, "Everything will work out for the best."
This silence rings out like melodious angels at times.
And still other times it sounds like shrieking demons.
The silence is always there.
It will never go away.
The silence is just a part of me.



I love the rain...I hope it rains all day! Lately when it rains, it will rain all night while I'm asleep & a little in the morning, but then by lunch it's all bright & sunny. Today I hope it keeps on raining. I love the rain!


The week is almost over...

Ok...so I said I was going to try to type at least once a week, and every night this week I told myself that I would type something. Well, obviously I didn't listen to myself until tonight! This week was pretty interesting....at work there was a huge lay-off, that included my cool boss, Row. She was planning on leaving anyway, so it wasn't too bad because I knew it was coming soon, but it's going to be way different without her! My sister is working with me right now, but she will be quitting soon...her family & her are probably going to be moving to Hemet, CA. I say only old people and white trash live in Hemet, but I guess my cute nephews aren't white trash...it just sucks that they'll be moving even further than they are now. I hope I still see them a lot?!? Work is going to be changing. Who knows if it will be for the good? I am actually hoping to find something fun & exciting to do...you know like a job change. I really want to have a job that I love; I want to do something that excites me & interests me. I guess I just have to keep praying. Well, I am at my parents right now...my nephews are spending the night here, so I am going to go visit with them...who knows how often I'll see them in the near future!



She is so enraged. She is so disappointed. She is so sad. She is so empty.
Who does he think he is?
She is an adult! She is a mother!
He can't treat her like that; he can't treat her like he is her father - worse than a father!
She never disrepects him. She makes sure all of his needs are met; she makes sure he is always happy.
What about her? Who is going to make sure she is happy?
She always thought her husband would make her happy.
But what happens now?
He makes her feel worthless.
He makes her feel like a frightened child.
Is she going to just stand there and let him treat her that way?
She will cry tonight. She will dream of another place and time.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow she will wake up again, as mommy, as sister and yes, as wife.
She will pretend like everything is wonderful.
But he will be there, in the morning.

writing#1 (the writing stuff will be in the color below)

She sees him yet he is so far away.
He holds her tight; she feels all alone.
She doesn't need his touch, his gentle kiss or his strong embrace.
She needs his words, his support, his encouragement.
She longs to hear him say, "I love you."
She anticipates his smile accompanied by, "I believe in you."
She wants so much to catch him utter, "You are so beautiful!"
Maybe she is being selfish; maybe she should tell him how lonely she feels.
She wants him to communicate his feelings to her with words, not just actions.
She knows he loves her; she knows he supports her; she knows he thinks she's gorgeous.
But knowing these things don't make her loneliness disappear.
She wants to hear these things.
Just once.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (my entries will be in purple)

Ok...so I am going to try to post something at least once a week. I started to say every day, but I think that may be too much too soon. I'll try to do one whenever I can, but I'm going to say once a week to start this New Year off right.

I have really been wanting to write a lot lately, but I haven't. I have been thinking of different things to write about while laying in bed at night, trying to go to sleep...so maybe I will just use this blog as a little journal to write whatever, whenever I can. We'll see?!

I think I'll do writings & entries...like stuff I think about writing, I'll try to put on here and then I'll do journal entries too...yeah, that's it!

Happy New Year! If anyone even reads this!