...welcome to my ramblings...


New Piercing

I got my lip pierced! It's not really my lip, it's on my upper lip & they call it a beauty mark piercing. It's on my left side. It's cool...I like it. But right now it's still healing so it's a little swollen sometimes & sometimes it's a little red. I hope it gets better soon! Oh well! :)


I'm so happy!!!!

I finally got my new lipstick! I know, pretty lame thing to be happy about, but I had to order it from New York. See when I visited New York with my fashion class we visited a make-up studio & got discounts on the make-up. Well, I found this lipstick & fell in love with it! I used it until there was nothing left...I've been using a lipstick brush to scrape the bottom of the tube for almost a year now! Anyway, I had looked online before, but they didn't sell it online...well, they finally have an online store! YEAH! So I bought some last week & got it today!!! YEAH!!!! It's Wisteria by Il-Makiage...it's the best!


What the heck?

What's up with me? I think I need to start some happy stuff! After reading my writings on this page, it just seems like they are so depressing! Ok...so soon I will write something happy. That's my new goal. Or at least something that leaves you feeling content after reading it!! Sorry for whoever reads this!


I can't turn it off.
It just won't go away.
It's so loud; it rings throughout my mind, always.
It's as loud as the steady bass drum in a marching band.
Yet it's as quiet as a mountaintop in the dead of winter.
This noise I can't turn off is the silence that yells at me constantly.
It's the silence I hear when I try to map out my future.
It's the silence I hear when I cry myself to sleep.
It's the silence I hear when I tell myself, "Everything will work out for the best."
This silence rings out like melodious angels at times.
And still other times it sounds like shrieking demons.
The silence is always there.
It will never go away.
The silence is just a part of me.



I love the rain...I hope it rains all day! Lately when it rains, it will rain all night while I'm asleep & a little in the morning, but then by lunch it's all bright & sunny. Today I hope it keeps on raining. I love the rain!


The week is almost over...

Ok...so I said I was going to try to type at least once a week, and every night this week I told myself that I would type something. Well, obviously I didn't listen to myself until tonight! This week was pretty interesting....at work there was a huge lay-off, that included my cool boss, Row. She was planning on leaving anyway, so it wasn't too bad because I knew it was coming soon, but it's going to be way different without her! My sister is working with me right now, but she will be quitting soon...her family & her are probably going to be moving to Hemet, CA. I say only old people and white trash live in Hemet, but I guess my cute nephews aren't white trash...it just sucks that they'll be moving even further than they are now. I hope I still see them a lot?!? Work is going to be changing. Who knows if it will be for the good? I am actually hoping to find something fun & exciting to do...you know like a job change. I really want to have a job that I love; I want to do something that excites me & interests me. I guess I just have to keep praying. Well, I am at my parents right now...my nephews are spending the night here, so I am going to go visit with them...who knows how often I'll see them in the near future!



She is so enraged. She is so disappointed. She is so sad. She is so empty.
Who does he think he is?
She is an adult! She is a mother!
He can't treat her like that; he can't treat her like he is her father - worse than a father!
She never disrepects him. She makes sure all of his needs are met; she makes sure he is always happy.
What about her? Who is going to make sure she is happy?
She always thought her husband would make her happy.
But what happens now?
He makes her feel worthless.
He makes her feel like a frightened child.
Is she going to just stand there and let him treat her that way?
She will cry tonight. She will dream of another place and time.
Tomorrow is a new day.
Tomorrow she will wake up again, as mommy, as sister and yes, as wife.
She will pretend like everything is wonderful.
But he will be there, in the morning.

writing#1 (the writing stuff will be in the color below)

She sees him yet he is so far away.
He holds her tight; she feels all alone.
She doesn't need his touch, his gentle kiss or his strong embrace.
She needs his words, his support, his encouragement.
She longs to hear him say, "I love you."
She anticipates his smile accompanied by, "I believe in you."
She wants so much to catch him utter, "You are so beautiful!"
Maybe she is being selfish; maybe she should tell him how lonely she feels.
She wants him to communicate his feelings to her with words, not just actions.
She knows he loves her; she knows he supports her; she knows he thinks she's gorgeous.
But knowing these things don't make her loneliness disappear.
She wants to hear these things.
Just once.

HAPPY NEW YEAR! (my entries will be in purple)

Ok...so I am going to try to post something at least once a week. I started to say every day, but I think that may be too much too soon. I'll try to do one whenever I can, but I'm going to say once a week to start this New Year off right.

I have really been wanting to write a lot lately, but I haven't. I have been thinking of different things to write about while laying in bed at night, trying to go to sleep...so maybe I will just use this blog as a little journal to write whatever, whenever I can. We'll see?!

I think I'll do writings & entries...like stuff I think about writing, I'll try to put on here and then I'll do journal entries too...yeah, that's it!

Happy New Year! If anyone even reads this!