tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-92432072024-03-08T14:22:11.608-08:00...Just Me...Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.comBlogger92125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-45716933783457844112017-11-24T16:45:00.003-08:002017-11-24T16:45:27.824-08:00Be PresentYesterday I was reminded by a close friend about the importance of telling your loved ones you love them & how important it is to really be present when you are with them. Wow. What wise and important words. We all have crazy busy lives. Some of us may live close to our loved ones, but maybe we don't see them as often as we should or even as often as we'd like. We say we are there for our family & friends, but are we really? Even when they are right in front of us, are we really there, listening, making memories?<br />
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Over Thanksgiving, I was blessed to spend time with some of my loved ones, but I was missing a lot of them. Those who I was unable to be with were on my mind. I hope I was present with the ones I was able to see. With technology & the prevalence of smart phones, it is so easy to get sucked out of reality & to not be present with those who are right next to us. I try to remember to not let my phone be my escape, but sometimes it's easy to just virtually join someone else instead of facing the people you are with - for whatever reason.<br />
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As I was reflecting on what my friend said, I wondered if I am present enough with the people I see every day, not just with my loved ones, but do I really see the person & hear their replies to my questions about how they are doing? We often ask others how they are, even strangers, but do we really pay attention to their reply? It is so easy to get caught up in our own stuff we have going on - to get preoccupied with the lists of tasks we need to complete - especially during this holiday season. As the year comes to a close, I am going to challenge myself to really be present with everyone I come in contact with...if you know me, you might know that is really hard for me. It's easy for me to be present with those close to me, those I love, but to really be present with every person I come in contact with is very difficult. Maybe it's because I'm somewhat of an introvert, or maybe it's my disdain for drama & conflict, or maybe it's my loathing of small talk - whatever it is, this challenge will not be easy!<br />
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Feel free to join me. Also, please give me grace if you are one of the people I come in contact with...it's so hard for me sometimes!<br />
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(I realize it's been a little over two years since I've posted any new blog posts...maybe I need to change that...anyone interested in reading more blog posts? I'll try to keep active.)Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-50000997240300001282015-11-10T11:00:00.000-08:002015-11-10T11:07:51.312-08:00Someone asked me what I thought about this Starbucks thing...Honestly, I still can't believe this is a thing. If you would've told me last week, "Hey Steph, by this time next week, there will be a massive group of Christians outraged over the design of a Starbucks cup. They are boycotting Starbucks, claiming Starbucks is waging a war against Christmas." I would not have believed you.<br />
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Seriously, when did we get to this place in our Christian faith, where we believe it's our job to constantly be on the defensive? It's my belief that we are to walk side by side everyone, not just fellow Christians, but everyone, and we are to lift them up by loving them, encouraging them, listening to them, engaging with them, sharing joy with them, being there for them in times of sorrow - you know, basically being as much like Christ as humanly possible. Not to constantly battle anyone who may have a slightly different approach to something - even something as simple as a coffee cup design.<br />
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Getting back to the coffee cup - to claim that Starbucks is somehow taking Christ out of Christmas is ridiculous. Has Starbucks ever had an image of the manger scene on it's cup? Or even an image of a host of angels singing a proclamation of Jesus birth? Or maybe they've had an image of a star being followed by a group of shepherds? Did I miss it when they had an image of a pregnant Mary riding a donkey? NO! No they've never had any images on their cup refering to the birth of our Savior...which is why Christians celebrate Christmas. Right? In all honesty, this cup is probably the one most reminiscent of Christ. It's red, blood red. Remember how Jesus died on the cross? Remember the blood he shed? Maybe the real problem here is that most Christians have taken Christ out of Christmas. Maybe instead of calling out Starbucks, we need to look inside ourselves and see who we worship. (Talking to myself here, too.)<br />
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There's also a group who have chose not to boycott Starbucks, but rather are choosing to lie to the baristas when they tell them their name. I'm guessing this group can't boycott Starbucks, because they have a strong addiction to their Venti Caramel Macchiato. So they believe they are somehow sticking it to Starbucks by still going in to order their favorite beverage, still paying the high coffee prices and raising Starbucks profits, but they are becoming the baristas favorite customers (she said sarcastically), by telling them their name is "Merry Christmas". Some are asking the baristas to draw a Christmas picture on their cups. Really?! Is it not enough for these customers that the baristas are making sure to give them their extra pump, no foam, non fat, soy, extra hot beverage?!<br />
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I just cannot believe this is actually a thing.<br />
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If you have a problem with a certain company, that's fine, don't give them your business. But when you are a Christian and you make false claims and spread them around so others will do the same as you, what kind of name are you making for Christianity? That name is already tainted enough. Must we continue to make it worse?<br />
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Ok...rant done.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-76933654312557881212014-07-06T11:44:00.001-07:002014-07-06T11:44:38.212-07:00Lots of thoughts all jumbled into one post...So many words flood my mind. So much I can't explain. I don't understand how so many who love God just can't seem to get along?! Why does it have to be "us" & "them"? Why do we have to have all of the "answers"? We don't know the answers. The only answer we really know is God (and some don't even know that...let them learn in - don't force it)! That's it! Plain & simple. The arguing is just silly. It's just ridiculous. It really is just getting in the way of the main thing. We NEED to love one another - that's it! Why do so many play the "game"? Why?? Don't try to make your brother/sister feel guilty. Don't guilt people into making a choice. If you feel guilt, resolve it & then rejoice in it. Joy - that's what we need to shout about! That's what we should be singing about! Can we stop being mopey, guilt-ridden Christians - that's not what it's about!! I don't remember reading sadness & guilt as fruits of the Spirit. I don't recall pompous & arrogant as fruits either??!! Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control --where have they gone?? What is up with our Christianity of today? Seriously, we need to stop pointing fingers & telling others how wrong "they" are & how right "we" are - it's just ugly.<br />
<**gets down off of soapbox**><br />
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Sorry for the rant - I just had to get it out & then felt compelled to post it. Love you all! Thanks for reading!<br />
<br />Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-21703739959281736602014-05-07T10:00:00.001-07:002014-05-07T10:01:09.078-07:00Proud mommy moment...I just have to share this:<br />
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My boy is so talented & works really hard. It is so great to see final products that make you feel so proud. This totally made me tear up. Love this! Peggy Sirota & Steve Bauerfeind & Amy Ulrich & everyone at Prettybird productions made this an incredible experience for Aaron. I am so thankful to all of them for helping my boy to feel so comfortable & have so much fun doing what he enjoys. Thanks also to Paloma & Alysa at Paloma Model & Talent. They are amazing & I consider myself blessed to have found them to help us navigate this business.</div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-89224123449332101972013-10-16T11:05:00.001-07:002013-10-16T11:36:44.908-07:00I'm mad...because he's mad...<br />
This morning, an hour after we'd dropped Aaron off at school, my 2 year old, Layla said, "I'm mad, mom! But I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at Aaron." I asked her why she was mad at her brother, he wasn't even here and he hadn't done anything mean to her this morning. She replied, "I'm mad at Aaron because sometimes he gets mad at me, because I get mad at him, because he gets mad at me..." I began to realize that she wasn't really mad, she just wanted to pretend to be mad at someone and since he sometimes makes her mad, he was an easy target since he wasn't around to defend himself.<br />
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As I began to think about my daughter and her displaced anger, I thought about how many times we as adults, as people, get angry. How many times we get angry for unknown reasons. How often we project our hurt and confused emotions onto others as anger. How often we have displaced anger. So many times in life we hear someone might be angry with us from another person, so instead of talking to the person, we just hold it inside and get angry at them, for being angry at us. Other times we feel like someone is angry with us, so we get angry at them, because we feel if they're angry at us, we have to be angry at them. Or even still, our friend or loved one will talk to us about a person they are angry with and we feel we need to be angry with them too, because if they are angry at our loved one, well then they must be angry at us too! Oh help us, Lord.<br />
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Please understand that I am not saying anger is bad. Anger is a feeling, like all feelings, we are allowed to feel it and will feel it many times as humans. However, it is just that, an emotion. We feel many different emotions throughout any given day. This is how we were created. The problem lies in holding onto our anger. So often we hold our anger, because we are really hurt and are afraid if we let go of our anger we will end up hurt again. Anger helps us to believe that we are no longer vulnerable and that somehow we are now safe, because we've put up this anger roadblock. But holding onto anger is not ok. Holding onto anger will create a war within our own heart and mind.<br />
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The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 7:9 "Do not let anger upset your spirit, for anger lodges in the bosom of a fool." Ouch...did your read that? Don't let it upset our spirit?! Oh man, that's hard. How many times have you allowed anger to completely change your day, your mood, your spirit? I'd rather not count, thank you. In Ephesians 4:26 it says "'Be angry, but do not be willing to sin." Do not let the sun set over your anger." I've heard the last part of that verse quoted often, but I've rarely heard the first part, "do not be willing to sin." Um, does that mean I can't sit in my anger and plot against whoever has made me angry? I can't just block that person who made me angry out of my life? Life would be so much easier if we could do that, don't you think? If you make me mad, I'll just block you out of my life, hold my anger for you inside and if I ever see you, I'll just completely pretend you don't exist....if only. Thank God He doesn't block me out when I make Him angry!<br />
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As a Christian, I am so glad I don't have to process all of my anger by myself...cause if it were left to me, I wouldn't process it at all! I'm so thankful that I have a God who is bigger than any of my anger issues.<br />
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Wow...that was a lot from just a little statement from my 2 year old. Thanks for reading...Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-1856568264439171792013-10-13T11:35:00.001-07:002013-10-13T11:35:35.975-07:00Let's suck it up & get real.<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">People don't wanna grow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">People don't like change. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Growth is change. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Faced with change we're forced to get real. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Real can get ugly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Real can hurt.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Real can be embarrassing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Real can be hard to swallow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">Real has to happen before growth can happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">People really wanna grow;</span><br />
<span style="font-family: '.HelveticaNeueUI'; font-size: 16px;">We're just afraid of getting real.</span><br />
<br />Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-16214873775409133762013-10-06T15:38:00.001-07:002013-10-06T15:38:35.396-07:00So, I think I had an epiphany... I grew up in church. I've been in church my entire life. I'm proud of the heritage I have and I'm very thankful for my parents and their belief to bring up their children in church. I want to bring my children up in the church too. I grew up watching those I love serve in the church. I began serving in church at a young age. I continued serving in church into adulthood. After some time, I became bitter and cynical; I was angry with people in the church. I wanted to know how they could call themselves "christians" yet just sit on the sidelines and watch. How could they come to church and, in my opinion, do nothing?<div>
I decided to take a break from serving so much. I thought it best to take a step back, maybe visit other churches and just do my own version of sitting back and watching, like those who I had become so angry with - of course, that didn't help much, maybe just put a band-aid on a gaping wound. However, during that time I stepped out of the center of it all, I still desired something more; I still desired God's will for my life and I still do today. That time has made me realize something major; I think I had an epiphany.</div>
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I started to think about the church I had spent most of my life in. All churches have their issues and I'm sure they're all basically caused by the same thing - people. If I think back from the1980's, when my family started attending the church I grew up in, through today, I can pinpoint relationship issues, people issues, that had a detrimental effect on the church as a whole. All of the people within the church may not have all been involved, nor did they always even know there was something going on. As I look back though, I can see people leaving, people getting upset, people getting bitter about something someone said to them or something someone did to them or something someone didn't say to them or something someone didn't do to them, etc. Lots of hurt feeling, lots of emotions, many relationships ruined and many people leaving the church - not just this church, but the church in general. It's sad. I've seen this my whole life, so honestly it's nothing new to me & it's probably not new to you.</div>
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Here's where it gets interesting. I recently had an "aha" moment, an epiphany if you will. Some of you have probably realized this long ago, but please, humor me. What if one of those times people didn't leave the church, or this church? What if instead of getting angry or bitter, we realized that it's not about what someone did or didn't do; what if we realized that all of this drama is caused by the enemy? What if one day we all realized that all along, Satan has been at work, trying to destroy the potential of this church?! What if we realized we are all in this together - really, I mean we all say the words, but what if we really acted as if we are family? Can you imagine how we could squash Satan, instead of letting him continually squash the work of our Lord? </div>
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I'm going to start looking at people differently. It's hard, but if we just drop our expectations of how we should be treated and just start really loving people - including forgiving and really forgetting - we would be surprised and in awe of the amazing things our Lord has in store for us, as well as for His church.</div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-12898992866506143342013-09-08T21:36:00.001-07:002013-09-08T21:36:09.537-07:00Older & wiser?It has been said as you get older you also get wiser. Many people picture an old man with white hair and glasses as the wise man who has been through so much in his life; they imagine a person who has lived a long life and now has all of the answers. However, I clearly feel wiser now, at 34 than I did at 24. Do I believe that I have all of the answers? No - actually quite the opposite. I actually feel that wisdom isn't what you know, it's how comfortable you feel with what you don't know & realizing that really, you don't know a lot.<br />
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I used to think I knew a lot about a lot. I knew what I wanted, how I wanted it & when I wanted it. I thought I knew how much I could handle on my plate, so to speak. I'm realizing that some of the things I thought I wanted, aren't really that important in life. I'm realizing that piling so much on my plate really isn't very wise.<br />
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I once had plans for my life. I had plans of what I would do when I was a certain age; plans of what my life would be like. Plans of where I'd be living, what I'd be doing as a job, etc. However, the older I get, the more I realize plans are not mine to make. God already has a plan for me. My job is to just live daily close to Him & in time, my plan will take it's shape & be realized. I'm learning that I need to carry that thought process over into the lives of my children. I can make all of the plans I want for them, but those plans will probably fail. My job is to love them & raise them to love Jesus. In time, He will reveal the plans He has for them...not my plans, but His.<br />
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I'm learning a lot about myself & a lot about others. I'm learning it's ok not to have all of the answers. I'm learning that people are just people & I shouldn't expect them to see everything like I see it. I'm learning to really love people for who they are & where they are, instead of expecting them to meet me where I am. I'm gaining wisdom...slowly, but I understand a little bit more about what it truly means to be wise.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-3875966273925954972013-04-07T16:10:00.002-07:002013-04-07T16:13:08.331-07:002/30 Fears...So I found a list on Pinterest that took me to this page: <a href="http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html">http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html</a><br />
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This is the list that I am grabbing my next 29 (30 including my last post) post topics from...<br />
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2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.<br />
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1. My one fear I've had as far as I can remember is the fear of failure. Now I know this is so cliche. Everybody uses this line when in an interview & asked one of their fears - "Oh, you know my greatest fear is the fear of failure." But honestly, it is truly one of my greatest fears. As a child, when I thought I might be in trouble, if my parent or teacher just looked at my funny, I was in tears because I was afraid that somehow, some way I had let them down, I had failed. My husband can tell you this is true - how many other people fall to the ground freaked out that they may have messed up the stuffing for Thanksgiving by not having foil to put over it while they bake?!? Most would just run out to the store or figure something else out. Nope, not my first instinct. My first instinct was, "Oh no!!?? I failed!!" Now that I have kids, my fear has sort of morphed. I'm not as much afraid of messing things up that I do anymore - I figure people can deal with it & life will go on. But now that I'm a parent, I'm afraid of messing up my kids. Luckily I have a strong faith in the Lord & I know with His help, I can be the kind of mommy my kids need, regardless of my own failures. I trust in Him to keep me from messing up my kids. <br />
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2. Another fear I have has only been around for the past 5 years. My oldest child, my son, is 5 years old. That's right, my next fear began when I became a mommy. I fear that someone or something will harm my children. I'm sure this is a common "mommy fear". I remember being the "fun" auntie who would let my nieces & nephews do things that I'm sure their mommy wouldn't necessarily approve of...now I see things so differently! I don't think I'm that "fun" mommy...I see all of the bad things that could happen before they do anything...and for that I apologize to my kids. I can't watch the news or scary movies or anything that shows harm being done to kids, because it just makes me think something like that might happen to my kids & I get freaked out & have nightmares...scary ones. I sometimes see people that I view as "creepy"when my kids & I are out & I instantly fear these people are going to try to kidnap my kids or something worse. I'm guessing this is common among moms. Moms out there, am I right? Or am I crazy? At least I still go out in public. Praise God it hasn't become a paralyzing fear...I pray it never does.<br />
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3. I am scared of uncontrolled bodies of water. I thoroughly enjoy looking at oceans & rivers, but put me out in the middle of one of them & I'm a mess. I just can't help it. I've been like that as far as I can remember. I remember my dad's friend, Jack having a pool that we would go swim in a lot when I was younger. I also remember being thrown in the pool to my dad & my dad dunking me under for a bit. I'm sure it was normal play for some kids, but for me, it freaked me out! I never liked being in the pool with my dad, I was always worried he'd carry me to the deep and let me go. He never did, but I just had this fear it would happen. Because of that, I never learned to swim. I taught myself to swim. I can swim, but I don't feel very confident in it. This is why I do not like uncontrolled bodies of water; I don't trust myself in them. I almost drowned my husband while we were still dating. We were on a mission trip as teens & for a "fun" day our leaders decided to go to a river. We were told if we wanted to go in a canoe on said river that we had to go down the river first wearing only our life jackets. I guess this was so we wouldn't freak out if our canoe tipped. Well, I flipped out while going down in my life jacket! Nick was holding my hand & right from the beginning I could tell I was going to go crazy. I begged to get out, but he said it was too hard with the current, we had to just ride it out. I began using him as a flotation device, which only made him go under & try to get air as he could, here & there. In my head I was telling myself everything was ok, that this wasn't a big deal, I was fine, but outside I was going crazy & I couldn't stop myself. Thank God we both made it down the rapids just fine. I also had to deal with this fear while in Maui. Nick & I went on a boat & went out to go snorkeling. I told myself I was fine. The water was calm way out in the middle of the ocean. But when we were told we could go jump in the water, off of the side of the boat, I almost started hyperventilating! Thankfully the instructor could sense my fear & helped me through it. By the end of the day I was snorkeling just fine. In retrospect, I'm not sure what exactly that instructor said or did, but he somehow got me out there to enjoy the deep blue. I'm glad he did because that is one of the highlights of that trip and honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever do it again...that fear has a way of rearing it's head, even though I think I'm fine.<br />
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What are your fears?Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-9576732724831057332013-04-01T20:11:00.001-07:002013-04-01T20:11:45.373-07:0020 Random Facts About Me...1. I am a Christian.<br />
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2. I have been with my husband for 18 years, but I'm only 34. Yep, that means we were high school sweet hearts. In fact we've known each other since elementary school.<br />
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3. I had surgery on my eye at the age of 4.<br />
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4. I've worn glasses, or corrective lenses of some sort since I was 2.<br />
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5. My favorite show as a small child was Heart to Heart.<br />
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6. One of my many guilty pleasures, is watching most reality tv on MTV...including Jersey Shore & Teen Mom.<br />
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7. I do not like uncontrolled bodies of water. They are nice to look at, but I do not feel comfortable swimming in them.<br />
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8. I'm not that great of a swimmer.<br />
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9. I've always wanted to be a runner.<br />
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10. I would love to live in New York City one day...even if my husband & I are in our 70's when we move there.<br />
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11. I enjoy helping those who don't have the means to help themselves.<br />
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12. Some of my greatest experiences have been on mission trips to other countries.<br />
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13. I am a stay at home mommy & I love it.<br />
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14. I really wish I could get a mani/pedi & go to a tanning bed once every 2 weeks - seriously.<br />
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15. I wish I had a metabolism that was always on overdrive. If I were "too skinny" I would love it.<br />
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16. My 2 best friends live in 2 different states, far away from me. But they are still closer than any other friend I have - aside from my husband.<br />
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17. I still keep in touch with my BFF from Kinder - 12th grade. I am glad.<br />
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18. I realize you really do gain wisdom as you get older...I feel much wiser now than I did 5 years ago...I'm sure in 10 years I think I was an idiot today.<br />
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19. I love to co-sleep. There's something about having your whole family with you in your bed when you wake up. It just feels right. Ask me in 10 years what I think...<br />
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20. I have a tattoo that means mother in Sinhala - the spoken language of Sri Lanka. My children are 1/4 Sri Lankan. I'm pretty sure it will be my only tattoo...they hurt!!<br />
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(It was hard to think of 20 random facts about me.)Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-25762992585005896912012-10-03T12:00:00.001-07:002012-10-03T12:00:34.475-07:00Do BFFs really exist? As kids in elementary school, we make friends easily. We use the term BFFs (best friends forever) easily. We plan our lives together with our BFFs - where we'll live, where we'll work, what we'll drive, who we'll marry, how our kids will be BFFs too, etc. Along with the ease in making friends, friends are easily disposable at this young age; our friends are "not our friends" for silly reasons - they didn't like the share toy we brought, we played with another kid in class, they didn't like our shirt, the list goes on & on. But one day we learn that making friends is something that should be taken a bit more serious. We learn that it's good to make friends. We learn about character traits & we begin to look for friends with traits we admire. We start to understand that friends are there for us when we need them & we understand that we are there for our friends when they need us.<br />
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As I got older, making friends was a lot harder for me. I began to see people in a different way. I guess you could say I began to see through people. Experiences that I saw family members or close family friends go through with their so-called "friends" jaded my view of friendships. I began to build a wall around my true self and left most people outside of that wall. I had friends, but I didn't let them get too close to me. It wasn't that I had anything to hide, but I just didn't want to get hurt like I'd seen others experience. I would let people in, but only after time and after much scrutiny. I would only let in those who I trusted would never hurt me. I had a few close friends and lots of acquaintances. Some of those acquaintances to this day may think of themselves of friends of mine - and don't get me wrong, I'm there for them if they need me, but I don't really ever let them be there for me.</div>
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I wouldn't say I've changed too much today. I still have that wall. I meet new people and don't let them know much about me, but instead learn a lot about them. I make a lot of acquaintances. I have a handful of people that I consider to be close friends. But sometimes I feel even some of those relationships are slipping away. That is hard to understand. I am a loyal person. Once I've let you in, let you get past that wall, I consider you to be a friend for life. However, I'm not sure every person that makes it past the wall wants to be a friend for life.</div>
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Friendships have to have communication. Communication has to go two ways. I have watched a friendship fall apart because of lack of communication. It was a sad thing to see. One person seemed to care more about saving the friendship than the other person. But is that true? Does one person just suddenly stop caring about a friendship that once was so important? Or do they just fill their time with so many other things to keep from letting the other person get too far behind their wall? Are they completely unaware of the effort it takes to maintain a friendship? I don't really know. I do know that people are always changing and life is always changing. For those two reasons alone, two people who were once extremely close can suddenly become acquaintances. It may be sad, but it is a part of life.</div>
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So do BFFs (best friends forever) really exist? I say probably not. But BFFAs (best friends for awhile) do. I'm lucky to have had some really wonderful BFFAs over my life! I'm blessed that I still have some BFFAs!</div>
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-48102053421241280612011-08-27T09:49:00.000-07:002011-08-27T09:49:56.266-07:00Just a thought...You never know when your time on this earth is over. It can happen so fast. It's so cliché, but it's so true. The recent loss of a friend has reminded me of this. Living every day like it's your last is really something we all should be doing. Loving people is the most important part of that - it is the key to a happy life.<br />
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Felipe was a perfect example of how we all should be. Genuinely nice, loving, compassionate & always helpful. No matter what social group you may have thought you belonged to, Felipe didn't care. In his eyes, there were only people who he loved. That's it - not people he loved & people he sort of liked & people he wished would go away. No, simply people he loved.<br />
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Felipe always had a smile. The first memory that comes to mind for most of us is his beautiful & infectious smile. Felipe smiled because of the love he had for every person that knew him. He always had a smile because he had it figured out - we are here on this earth to love people. I don't know how he did it, but he made it look so effortless.<br />
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I know many of us are questioning why the Lord had to take him so early. I have no idea why the Lord has taken this husband, father & friend. But maybe, just maybe if we all live life a little more like Felipe - if we genuinely love all people a little bit more - his death will not be in vain.<br />
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-18949178762958491792011-01-05T11:21:00.000-08:002011-01-05T11:21:38.319-08:00It's been way too long....Well, it's been a really long time since I last posted. In fact, the only reason I am posting today is because of how long it has been. I don't really have anything to say...<br />
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Let's see, it is January 2011. I am waiting the arrival of my little girl...she's due in less than two weeks & honestly, I hope she shows up before that! I am so done with being pregnant! My son is now 3 and he keeps me busy. He continues to surprise me with how smart he is...I know all parents probably feel that way, but seriously, it's crazy what he comes up with sometimes!?<br />
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Someone asked me if I had any New Year's Resolutions...well, I don't usually set any - I figure what's the point?! But after thinking about it a little, if I had to choose just one thing to do differently, it would be to lower my expectations of others. In other words, don't have any expectations of others. In my experience, having expectations just leads to frustration & disappointment. So I'm hoping this year I will experience less frustration & disappointment. :)<br />
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Well, until the next post....Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-15979539415373025512010-07-12T11:35:00.000-07:002010-07-12T11:35:55.027-07:00Is it really that hard to be a grown up? If you've read a few of my blog posts, you probably know I am easily bothered by others. I don't really let others get me down or really effect my daily life, however, I am often baffled by how others act. I often question why people do the things they do. Recently, I have been wondering why there are so many adults that still act like teenagers? Now if you are a teenager, don't take offense to that last remark. In fact, if you are reading this and you're a teenager, you are probably more mature than the adults I'm referring to.<br />
Why are there so many adults who enjoy getting involved in drama? Why are there so many adults who help to create drama? Why are there so many adults who don't try to diffuse drama among others, but instead they fuel it or even instigate it? Are these adults aware of the ugly mess they are helping to create? Are these adults stuck in jr. high? <br />
I really just don't know how to handle people that claim to be an adult, or rather, their age says they are, but instead they act like a two-faced, drama-filled high school student. (Again, if you are a high school student, you probably aren't two-faced or drama-filled, but I bet you know someone who is.) Is it really that hard to be the adult? Is it really that hard to act like a grown up? Seriously, is it???Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-22936377510220880002010-06-28T12:43:00.000-07:002010-06-28T12:43:04.603-07:00Family & friends keep me feeling connected... It's been awhile since I decided to actually write something on here. I guess I've just been busy with life. I found out I am expecting another child & I've been battling so-called "morning sickness" ever since. I have been thinking a lot about family, friends & so-called friends. That's where this post is coming from...my latest thoughts.<br />
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I am lucky to have family that is there for me. Regardless of what we are going through or how our opinions might differ, we are there for each other. That's how family is supposed to be, however there are many out there that aren't blessed with a family who loves them unconditionally. For those people, I am very sorry.<br />
That's where friends come in...friends are also supposed to be there for you, no matter what. Friends are supposed to love you unconditionally. Friends like this are like family. There is a connection there - a bond, which is close to that bond you have with your family. Friends like these don't come around very often in life. These friends could move away, and yet when you see them, it's as if you have seen one another every day for years. Friends like this are important.<br />
Then there are so-called friends. People who call you their friend, but aren't necessarily there for you. They are there to see how you can benefit them. They do not love you unconditionally. They will act one way when you are around & then when you aren't there, they may even talk bad about you. They will try to connect with you, if you have something they need or want. The connection with them isn't healthy. In fact, I find it to be destructive. I say, be weary of these friends.<br />
For now, I think I'm done with my rant. I just want to say I am so thankful for a family who will always be there....and there are a lot of them! I am also very thankful that I have a few friends that I will be connected to forever. Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-9300922112360033272010-05-03T11:17:00.000-07:002010-05-03T11:17:03.313-07:00Going deeper.... Is it rare to want to go deeper? To want to really get to know other people on a deeper level? To get past the superficial surface relationships & delve into real, personal, honest relationships? If it isn't rare to have the desire, why is it so rare to find other people willing to get real & go deep?<br />
I believe that our life experiences help to form the person we are at any given point in our life. Experiences from our childhood & teenage years are especially formative. I also believe that experiences we saw our parents, or other loved ones go through have an effect on how we relate to others. These previous experiences are generally the reasons why people don't go deeper in most of their relationships; trusting people or letting them "get in" could be illogical. What I mean is, maybe a previous experience, either one of their own or one they saw someone go through, is holding them back from genuinely trusting people. The question then is, how do we reshape our thoughts to allow for more trust in people?<br />
I'm always saying I want people to be real. I'm always longing for deeper relationships with people. I'm always expecting people to let go of the superficial and get real. But am I really ready to do that myself? I haven't experienced any real hurt that would lead to a lack of trust in others, but unfortunately, I have seen deep hurt up close and personal in lives of loved ones. The hurt I saw as a young teenager has created a fear inside of me. I'm afraid to get too close to any one person, for fear they will hurt me. Now there are a few exceptions in my life, my family, my husband, and one friend. There are a couple of friends that are close, but not too close. And still others who may think of me as a close friend, but in my mind, they are more like acquaintances. <br />
Some might say, "Well, you are lucky you have just one good friend in your life." But honestly, isn't life all about relationships? As Christians, shouldn't we long to get past the superficial with other Christians? Why is it I feel like most of my superficial relationships are in Christians circles? Others may say, "Well you can't be best friends with everyone!" To that I say, you're right, but I think most people say that because they don't want to let down their walls either. I believe that statement to be an excuse for people, a sort of justification of their own behaviors.<br />
I don't really know why I'm putting this out into the blogosphere, but I am. I really just wonder how many other people are afraid of getting hurt by someone? I didn't really know that I was, but I must be; I know I don't let people in too easily. Aren't we all just wandering the world, longing for human connections? Aren't we all just longing for deeper relationships?Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-46856446416189468822010-04-15T12:02:00.000-07:002010-04-15T12:02:06.512-07:00Never easy... Today I was reminded that admitting you are wrong does not come natural. This morning while playing out the usual wake up routine in my bed with my son & husband, Aaron reminded me how truly difficult it is to say two simple words, 'I'm sorry.' <br />
The usual morning tickle monster visited the bed & Aaron was doing the typical laugh with glee, but asking the monster to stop tickling. Finally Aaron had really had enough and slapped daddy in the face, although both mommy & daddy were doing the tickling; poor daddy always gets the worst of it. Daddy received a couple of slaps in the face from Aaron. I grabbed Aaron & demanded he tell his daddy he was sorry. Aaron was not having it. He whined & cried & buried his face in the bed. He writhed around trying to avoid the inevitable apology. He was not going to do it. He started to reply to my demands saying, "I'm sorry is the yuckiest thing in the whole life!" Wow! How stubborn can one child be?! Did I really have a 2 year old that thought admitting his wrongs was the worst thing in the world? Had I taught him this by my own actions? Or was this something that was just innate; some feeling every one of us is born with? This was definitely not something Aaron wanted to do. He knew he had done wrong and didn't want to admit to it. He didn't want to say he was sorry because that meant he was admitting he was wrong. After over 15 minutes of pleading, Aaron finally apologized to his daddy.<br />
After reflecting on the event, I was reminded about my own inability to apologize. How often do I swallow my pride and actual apologize for something wrong I know I have done? How often is my first instinct to just writhe around in my discomfort and hope that the feeling of conviction will go away? Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-15362019963401784322010-03-25T11:12:00.000-07:002010-03-25T11:12:09.526-07:00I Wonder... I wonder. That's it, I wonder. There are so many thoughts that go through my head every day. These thoughts are about everything and anything. <br />
I wonder when I will have time to do all of the "tasks" that need to get done around the house. Things like laundry, dishes and dusting to even more in depth projects like cleaning out the back room, decorating the side room & getting new curtains. I wonder what I will cook for dinner. I wonder if dinner will taste good. I wonder when I will have time to make sure each member of my family feels that I am 100% here for them.<br />
I wonder what my future will hold. I wonder if my husband and I will have another child. I wonder if we will live in California forever. I wonder if our son will go to college or be a rockstar. I wonder if my son will have any children. I wonder if he will get married. I wonder if he will know how much his dad and I love him. I wonder how active I will be when I'm 60. <br />
I wonder if I will ever accomplish my life goals. I have accomplished some, but I wonder if certain dreams I've had since I was a small child will one day become reality. I wonder if I will ever publish a book. I wonder if I will ever become a teacher. I wonder if I will ever make a difference.<br />
I wonder if I will ever stop being annoyed and derailed by people. I wonder if I will ever stop letting peoples attitudes and actions dictate my own. I wonder if I will ever step up and completely and honestly love even the hardest ones to love; the ones who think they know everything or have to do everything and really just end up annoying everyone around them. I wonder if I will ever stop being cynical. I wonder if I will ever change.<br />
I wonder...Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-81698639692882373142010-03-08T12:08:00.000-08:002010-03-08T12:12:48.367-08:00Unresolved guilt... Have you ever felt a feeling of unresolved guilt? A kind of guilt that you can't let go of? A guilt that you can ask forgiveness for, but you feel as though you can't forgive yourself? Unfortunately, I have come to know this feeling over the past month or two.<br />
It all starts with a friend. A friend I love and adore. A friend I have known since our sweet and innocent days. A friend that I was best friends with from Kindergarten - 12th Grade. We were so close. We knew each other inside and out. We could finish each other's sentences. We knew each other's families and felt as though we were family. I'm not sure how it happened, but that closeness we once shared, that we talked about sharing forever, somehow faded over time. After we graduated from high school and went our separate ways, the closeness we thought we would never lose, was in fact, lost. Don't get me wrong, whenever we would see each other or talk to each other, it was like we'd never been apart. But the time we spent together or talked was very rare. People tell me that's what happens as you get older. You go your way, they go their way, you lose contact with each other and life goes on. But I wonder, does it have to be this way? We were best friends, not just acquaintances.<br />
This friend of mine lost her father in 2008. I didn't find out until 2009. There were many variables as to why I didn't find out. Apparently she didn't have my cell number. She tried calling my parent's, but they were out of town. Another friend of ours was asked to notify everyone; well she didn't have my number either. This friend ended up remembering much later, she could contact me via Myspace, so she did. That's when I found out. Much later. I wasn't there for my friend. I wasn't there for my best friend of 13 years in a serious time of need. I didn't even make it to the funeral, because I didn't even know about it.<br />
Well, this friend just got married this past weekend. Luckily we have since made contact, and I was able to share in this joyous day. Thinking about the upcoming wedding, I began thinking about who wouldn't be there, her father. This is when I began thinking about how I wasn't there for her. I am so glad I was able to be there at the start of this next chapter in her life. I just can't seem to get over the fact that I wasn't there for her in her darkest hour. I feel so horrible. I don't know when I can forgive myself. I have this feeling of unresolved guilt that I don't know if I will ever let go of.<br />
I am now going to make it a point to keep in touch. There is no reason to give up on a friendship. Well, I guess is the friend is toxic and causing you harm, but in most cases, there is no reason. This friend was so close; she was not toxic at all. Why did I give up? There is not a good enough reason. I should've been there for her - through it all. Jesus wouldn't give up on a friendship, why do we? Why did I? Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-4486849730392360662010-03-01T10:25:00.000-08:002010-03-01T10:25:21.652-08:00Let me be real... One of my biggest dislikes, or really hates, is when people are fake. I crave authenticity in others. If I think people are not be real with me, I will probably eventually shut them out. This isn't a good habit and it's not something I'm proud of, but it's true. I feel if I want people to be real with me, I should be real too. So this post is coming from a totally honest place. I'm not sure why I'm putting it out in the blogosphere, but I am.<br />
Doing self reflection is something I seem to do often. I feel as a mature Christian adult, it is something I should do often. Well, I recently came to the realization that I am quite cynical of people. Most of the cynicism is directed at other Christians. I don't necessarily like this quality, but I don't know how to really change it either. The only answer I know right now is to pray.<br />
After doing even more reflection, I realized that this cynicism wasn't always a quality of mine. It seems to be something that has formed over time. I noticed that as a pre-teen & teen I was more judgmental of other Christians. Again, another trait of mine I'm not really proud of. I wonder if the two are sort of related? Is it a natural progression to be somewhat judgmental and then eventually turn that into cynicism?<br />
Here are the definitions of the two:<i> Judgmental = Inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones. Cynical = Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by base or selfish concerns; skeptical of the motives of others; feeling of distrust.</i><br />
<i> </i>Again, not sure why I am posting this on here. I just know I need to be real with people. Not sure if people read this or not. I hope & pray that over time, with God's help, I can change my cynicism into hope of what Christ can do & will do through those around me. As for now, I'm trying....Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-46922060016336274022010-02-25T11:34:00.000-08:002010-02-25T11:34:36.434-08:00Self absorbed or searching? In today's world are we all just a little too self absorbed? Do we really think that anyone actually cares and wants to read a play by play list of our daily activities? With Myspace, Twitter, Facebook, Google Buzz and all of the other "networking" sites making such a daily impact on mainstream life, does this tell us that as a whole, we are just eager to connect to others? I'm not exactly sure what it all means. Do we really read every entry that our so called "friends" write or do we just enjoy putting our own interesting (or not) thoughts out there in the mysterious beyond?<br />
This brings up another question...why do people blog? Some people who blog actually have hundreds, thousands, even millions of followers - and maybe they write for a whole different reason than me. Why do I write? I don't even know if anyone reads any of my blog entrys. But the truth, I like to write. I like the idea of just getting my thoughts on paper, or in this instance, into the blogosphere. Whether or not another person is reading them doesn't matter. I am not looking for validation or searching for some great debate partners. I really just want to write. Maybe one day I'll write something that I want to share with others, but for now, it's just dribble for the joy of writing.<br />
Back to the other question...do we really live in a more self absorbed society than that of previous generations? I don't think so; we've been self absorbed since the beginning of time. I really think everyone just wants to connect with people. That is at our core as humans; to connect. Whether we do it face to face, on the phone or on Twitter, connection is what we all desire. Trying to make a connection on Twitter may be difficult and probably a little bit egocentric, but it is still a way to attempt to connect to someone else. So are we self absorbed or searching...I say a little of both. <br />
Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-90892375794896034922010-02-19T15:05:00.000-08:002010-02-20T09:57:48.447-08:00...Absolutely Thankful...I am thankful for my affectionate husband.<br />
I am thankful for my adorable son.<br />
I am thankful for my altruistic parents.<br />
I am thankful for my adoring God.<br />
I am thankful for my auspicious life.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-29548375393031661792010-02-18T11:26:00.000-08:002010-02-18T11:26:39.301-08:00New things... I'm always a little apprehensive when it comes to trying new things. I don't usually show my anxiety to the outside world, but inside I am totally nervous and, I admit it, a little worried about what others might think. But I don't let that stop me from doing something I want to do. In fact, the wonder of what others might think may be a part of what pushes me to actually do something new and different.<br />
Last night I tried something new and completely different than anything I've ever done. I took a new type of work out class. I wasn't with a friend or relative; I went all by myself. It was something that some may view as inappropriate. Some may look at me a little different for even attempting this new type of art form. But I don't care. I had fun. On the way home I could even feel my abs! They had definitely had a workout!<br />
This morning I woke up sore from my new work out. If you are one to work out, you know when you wake up sore from a work out, it's sort of a good feeling. You feel good knowing that what you did actually made some sort of positive impact on your body. That's what I felt this morning when I woke up sore. I was so happy that I had worked out my body and had fun while doing it.<br />
I think I am going to continue this new work out. I'll be signing up for a six week course. Hopefully my body won't kill me for it. Trying new things is good. Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-47065482738673857522010-02-17T09:41:00.000-08:002010-02-17T09:41:11.596-08:00Another birthday post...a few years later... So yesterday was my birthday. I remember being younger and waking up with so much excitement on my birthday, because I was another year older! Now on my birthday, I'd rather just keep sleeping when I wake up. Not that I'm afraid of getting older, but because I just really enjoy sleeping. Also, I don't really find that much excitement in the fact that I am another year older. <br />
Birthdays are now just another day. I have a wonderful husband who tries to make the day special. Yesterday we had a great day spending time together during the afternoon, before he had to go to work. It was a fabulous day. But it could have just as well been something we did on an afternoon in June. What I mean by that is, there is no reason why the time we spent together was just for my birthday. We love each other & we love spending time together, so yesterday was just another day of us loving spending time together. He did get me some great gifts...but he actually gives me great gifts all the time. I'm lucky that way.<br />
Anyway, what I think I'm trying to say is that now that I am 31, my birthday really just seems like another day. Actually, it made me sort of reflect on age in general. I started thinking about my age and my friends ages. I thought about how in a couple of years, I will have friends who are 50 or close to 50. That is strange to think about. I still remember when my grandma was only 55 - and I thought that was old. I started thinking about my parents age. I think about how old my parents are & how they were both younger than me when they had me. Nick brought up another thought, what must my parents feel like to have their youngest child turn 31. I hadn't even thought about how my age made anyone else feel. I asked my dad about it; he said he & my mom had talked about it that morning. They had talked about how their baby was 31, and about how old that made them feel. That made me start thinking more. I started thinking about how I will feel when my son, Aaron is an adult. <br />
It's crazy how much thinking and reflection my 31st birthday has spawned. Maybe that's it. Maybe once you reach a certain age, 31 for me, birthdays are meant for reflection and deep thought. Maybe as an adult, birthdays are there as a reminder of who you once were, a statement of who you are now and a glimpse of who you are going to become. A day to celebrate that God has allowed you to live another year and a day to meditate on who God wants you to become.Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9243207.post-90884837201901763672009-12-19T13:05:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:10:58.074-08:00How can I make a difference? I'm only one person.So my brother asked me if I'd seen the documentary on the Sundance Channel called "What Would Jesus Buy".<br />
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The Plot (as noted by Wikipedia): The film focuses on the issues of the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commercialization" title="Commercialization">commercialization</a> of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas" title="Christmas">Christmas</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Economic_materialism" title="Economic materialism">materialism</a>, the over-consumption in American culture, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Globalization" title="Globalization">globalization</a>, and the business practices of large <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corporations" title="Corporations">corporations</a>, as well as their economic and cultural effects on American society, as seen through the prism of activist/performance artist <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Talen" title="Bill Talen">Bill Talen</a>, who goes by the alias of "<a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reverend_Billy" title="Reverend Billy">Reverend Billy</a>," and his troupe of activists, whose <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Street_theater" title="Street theater">street theater</a> performances take the form of a church <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Choir" title="Choir">choir</a> called "The Church of Stop Shopping," that sings anti-shopping and anti-corporate songs. The film follows Billy and his choir as they take a cross-country trip in the month prior to Christmas <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2005" title="2005">2005</a>, and spread their message against what they perceive as the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evil" title="Evil">evils</a> of patronizing the retail outlets of several different large corporate chains.<br />
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I haven't seen it. But from what my brother was describing, it isn't anything new. Nothing that should come as a surprise today. From my brother's description, I was reminded of a documentary on the fashion industry that I watched on HBO just a few months back called Schmatta: Rags to Riches to Rags.<br />
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The Plot (according to HBO.com): Schmatta: Rags To Riches To Rags brings to life the vibrant, unexpected history of the Garment District which for many years was the heart and soul of Midtown Manhattan, but is now in danger of disappearing. For thousands of immigrants the garment industry was a path to their American Dream, but today most of those jobs are gone. A microcosm of the economic and social forces transforming our nation over the past one hundred years, Schmatta: Rags To Riches To Rags tells the story of this vanishing industry through the voices of the people who have experienced its highs and lows.<br />
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Both of these documentaries show how, as a way to keep being profitable, corporations have moved production to countries other than the USA. By doing this, people in the USA have lost jobs, some companies have had to shut down and the people in the other countries are being exploited. Majority of the people making the clothes we all wear, the shoes we have to have, the toys we buy our kids & pretty much everything we use are being made by kids ages 8 - 11 years old. These kids are paid like 9 cents an hour and that wage usually supports them and their family. If any person tries to organize some sort of union for these kids, that person & possibly their family are harmed, sometimes killed.<br />
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So how do we stop this? I'm pretty sure most, if not all people would say the treatment of these kids is horrific. But yet we all continue to buy things made in China, India, Sri Lanka, Guatemala, etc. I would love to buy only American made, if that means somehow helping others, especially these kids. But is that actually possible? I don't know? Also, if I do it, will it really make that much of a difference? I'm only one person?! I don't think me alone will make a difference.<br />
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So I'm asking anybody out there....how can I make a difference, I'm only one person?Stephaniehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10655311268455807498noreply@blogger.com0