As I got older, making friends was a lot harder for me. I began to see people in a different way. I guess you could say I began to see through people. Experiences that I saw family members or close family friends go through with their so-called "friends" jaded my view of friendships. I began to build a wall around my true self and left most people outside of that wall. I had friends, but I didn't let them get too close to me. It wasn't that I had anything to hide, but I just didn't want to get hurt like I'd seen others experience. I would let people in, but only after time and after much scrutiny. I would only let in those who I trusted would never hurt me. I had a few close friends and lots of acquaintances. Some of those acquaintances to this day may think of themselves of friends of mine - and don't get me wrong, I'm there for them if they need me, but I don't really ever let them be there for me.
I wouldn't say I've changed too much today. I still have that wall. I meet new people and don't let them know much about me, but instead learn a lot about them. I make a lot of acquaintances. I have a handful of people that I consider to be close friends. But sometimes I feel even some of those relationships are slipping away. That is hard to understand. I am a loyal person. Once I've let you in, let you get past that wall, I consider you to be a friend for life. However, I'm not sure every person that makes it past the wall wants to be a friend for life.
Friendships have to have communication. Communication has to go two ways. I have watched a friendship fall apart because of lack of communication. It was a sad thing to see. One person seemed to care more about saving the friendship than the other person. But is that true? Does one person just suddenly stop caring about a friendship that once was so important? Or do they just fill their time with so many other things to keep from letting the other person get too far behind their wall? Are they completely unaware of the effort it takes to maintain a friendship? I don't really know. I do know that people are always changing and life is always changing. For those two reasons alone, two people who were once extremely close can suddenly become acquaintances. It may be sad, but it is a part of life.
So do BFFs (best friends forever) really exist? I say probably not. But BFFAs (best friends for awhile) do. I'm lucky to have had some really wonderful BFFAs over my life! I'm blessed that I still have some BFFAs!