...welcome to my ramblings...


2/30 Fears...

So I found a list on Pinterest that took me to this page: http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html

This is the list that I am grabbing my next 29 (30 including my last post) post topics from...

2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.

1. My one fear I've had as far as I can remember is the fear of failure.  Now I know this is so cliche.  Everybody uses this line when in an interview & asked one of their fears - "Oh, you know my greatest fear is the fear of failure." But honestly, it is truly one of my greatest fears.  As a child, when I thought I might be in trouble, if my parent or teacher just looked at my funny, I was in tears because I was afraid that somehow, some way I had let them down, I had failed. My husband can tell you this is true - how many other people fall to the ground freaked out that they may have messed up the stuffing for Thanksgiving by not having foil to put over it while they bake?!?  Most would just run out to the store or figure something else out. Nope, not my first instinct. My first instinct was, "Oh no!!??  I failed!!"  Now that I have kids, my fear has sort of morphed.  I'm not as much afraid of messing things up that I do anymore - I figure people can deal with it & life will go on.  But now that I'm a parent, I'm afraid of messing up my kids.  Luckily I have a strong faith in the Lord & I know with His help, I can be the kind of mommy my kids need, regardless of my own failures.  I trust in Him to keep me from messing up my kids.

2. Another fear I have has only been around for the past 5 years.  My oldest child, my son, is 5 years old. That's right, my next fear began when I became a mommy. I fear that someone or something will harm my children. I'm sure this is a common "mommy fear". I remember being the "fun" auntie who would let my nieces & nephews do things that I'm sure their mommy wouldn't necessarily approve of...now I see things so differently!  I don't think I'm that "fun" mommy...I see all of the bad things that could happen before they do anything...and for that I apologize to my kids. I can't watch the news or scary movies or anything that shows harm being done to kids, because it just makes me think something like that might happen to my kids & I get freaked out & have nightmares...scary ones.  I sometimes see people that I view as "creepy"when my kids & I are out & I instantly fear these people are going to try to kidnap my kids or something worse. I'm guessing this is common among moms.  Moms out there, am I right?  Or am I crazy? At least I still go out in public. Praise God it hasn't become a paralyzing fear...I pray it never does.

3. I am scared of uncontrolled bodies of water. I thoroughly enjoy looking at oceans & rivers, but put me out in the middle of one of them & I'm a mess.  I just can't help it.  I've been like that as far as I can remember.  I remember my dad's friend, Jack having a pool that we would go swim in a lot when I was younger.  I also remember being thrown in the pool to my dad & my dad dunking me under for a bit.  I'm sure it was normal play for some kids, but for me, it freaked me out!  I never liked being in the pool with my dad, I was always worried he'd carry me to the deep and let me go.  He never did, but I just had this fear it would happen. Because of that, I never learned to swim. I taught myself to swim. I can swim, but I don't feel very confident in it. This is why I do not like uncontrolled bodies of water; I don't trust myself in them. I almost drowned my husband while we were still dating. We were on a mission trip as teens & for a "fun" day our leaders decided to go to a river. We were told if we wanted to go in a canoe on said river that we had to go down the river first wearing only our life jackets. I guess this was so we wouldn't freak out if our canoe tipped. Well, I flipped out while going down in my life jacket!  Nick was holding my hand & right from the beginning I could tell I was going to go crazy. I begged to get out, but he said it was too hard with the current, we had to just ride it out. I began using him as a flotation device, which only made him go under & try to get air as he could, here & there. In my head I was telling myself everything was ok, that this wasn't a big deal, I was fine, but outside I was going crazy & I couldn't stop myself.  Thank God we both made it down the rapids just fine. I also had to deal with this fear while in Maui. Nick & I went on a boat & went out to go snorkeling. I told myself I was fine. The water was calm way out in the middle of the ocean. But when we were told we could go jump in the water, off of the side of the boat, I almost started hyperventilating!  Thankfully the instructor could sense my fear & helped me through it. By the end of the day I was snorkeling just fine. In retrospect, I'm not sure what exactly that instructor said or did, but he somehow got me out there to enjoy the deep blue. I'm glad he did because that is one of the highlights of that trip and honestly, I'm not sure if I'll ever do it again...that fear has a way of rearing it's head, even though I think I'm fine.

What are your fears?

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