Today I was reminded that admitting you are wrong does not come natural. This morning while playing out the usual wake up routine in my bed with my son & husband, Aaron reminded me how truly difficult it is to say two simple words, 'I'm sorry.'
The usual morning tickle monster visited the bed & Aaron was doing the typical laugh with glee, but asking the monster to stop tickling. Finally Aaron had really had enough and slapped daddy in the face, although both mommy & daddy were doing the tickling; poor daddy always gets the worst of it. Daddy received a couple of slaps in the face from Aaron. I grabbed Aaron & demanded he tell his daddy he was sorry. Aaron was not having it. He whined & cried & buried his face in the bed. He writhed around trying to avoid the inevitable apology. He was not going to do it. He started to reply to my demands saying, "I'm sorry is the yuckiest thing in the whole life!" Wow! How stubborn can one child be?! Did I really have a 2 year old that thought admitting his wrongs was the worst thing in the world? Had I taught him this by my own actions? Or was this something that was just innate; some feeling every one of us is born with? This was definitely not something Aaron wanted to do. He knew he had done wrong and didn't want to admit to it. He didn't want to say he was sorry because that meant he was admitting he was wrong. After over 15 minutes of pleading, Aaron finally apologized to his daddy.
After reflecting on the event, I was reminded about my own inability to apologize. How often do I swallow my pride and actual apologize for something wrong I know I have done? How often is my first instinct to just writhe around in my discomfort and hope that the feeling of conviction will go away?