Hello, out there...

I'm assuming that I am writing this to no one. I mean it has been over 3 years since I've posted to this site. But I just felt like blogging, so here I am.

So much has changed in my life since I last posted. I am now a mom. Of a two year old! My little monkey was born November 18, 2007 and my life has not been the same since. I am a stay at home mom now. We also now live in a house. No more apartment living for me. All of the changes have been great blessings to my husband and I.

I'm not really sure what I want to get out of this blog anymore or why I am even writing here...but I'm doing it.

I really just want to say one thing...I am sick of fake people. Mostly I am tired of people who say they are not self centered and that they just want to do for others, but when you watch them and look at their life, it is all about them and what they can get from others. I try to not be like this. If I'm feeling selfish, I'm not going to tell you otherwise. I hate to be judgmental, but really it just gets under my skin to see people who parade around like they are the greatest gifts to the earth, and then watch them take advantage of their own family and friends. It is just ridiculous. I really would like to talk to these types of people and tell them how they make their family and friends feel when they use them. But most of the time, people like this know how to manipulate the conversation and don't let you finish your thought before interrupting and changing the subject. Ok...that was a mouthful! Sorry for the rant....obviously it is something that is really eating at my brain!

Alright...I guess I'm done for this moment.

Motherhood takes a lot of my time and so does being a wife. So I don't know how often I'll even write. I just know that I love to write, so maybe I'll be back.

Not sure...

I think I might start blogging here again.

I don't know, but why not? I do blog on myspace, but maybe I'll do it here too. That is if I can find the time!

We'll see?

Birthdays...

So today is my birthday. I know I'm not old, but in my head, for me, I'm getting there...I'm only 27, but that just doesn't seem the age I am?! Does that make sense? Probably not! Oh well. Today my very first phone call was from my nieces...Shelbylyn, Helayna & Kristen...they all three sang Happy Birthday on my voice mail & then all wished me the best; their mom, Tonyalyn, also said a little something. It was a wonderful message to hear to start my day. I am saving it on my phone for any days that aren't going well...they are all so sweet! I love them! :) I don't really know how I'm going to spend my day after I get off of work at 12:15pm, but I know it's going to be a good day - no matter what! :) Hope everyone else has an excellent day! :)

New job!

So I had three interviews this week. They were all at elementary schools in Torrance. They were all for the same position - Instructional Aide, Computer Lab Assistant....one was yesterday & two were today. Well, Nick & I just got home from dinner & the one that I liked the best called & left a message on the machine! The principal offered me the job! She said she almost hired me on the spot, but figured she should at least call one reference. Wow! What an answer to prayer! I'm so excited to start working at a school...to be working toward my goal of being a teacher...and it is in the district I want to some day teach in! Praise God! I'll be working at Riviera Elementary School. I can't wait!!! :)

Strange bird...

Check out this poor bird...he has no feet. He only has little nubs. He kind of has 2 peg legs...so he's a pirate bird! I wonder what happened to him? Maybe a shark ate his feet. Or maybe he wasn't born with any feet. Poor bird.

Christmas is over...but the gifts keep giving!

I love to give people gifts at Christmas...but who I am kidding, it's nice to get stuff too! Here a some of my favorite gifts....

My husband got me...a new coach purse! I love it...it is so cute! :)

He also gave me a black ipod nano. He gave me a gift card for itunes too.

I was also lucky enough to receive a Southern California Disneyland Resort Passport!! I am so excited about this one!! Now, Nick has to get one!

This is another one that I am really excited about...the Sex in the City Complete Series DVD Set!! Thanks, Dad!

I guess I am really excited about all of them!! Thanks, everyone!!! Hope you had a great Christmas & enjoy the New Year!

I did it!

I think I did anyway...I finished all of my Christmas shopping! Last week I had none of it done. I did almost all of it today! I'm so happy! Now I have to wrap it all. Oh well, at least I don't have to go out to the malls anymore to shop, only to people watch...that is fun to do, especially around Christmas time. Lots of people with puzzled & frantic looks on their faces. It's great!

writing #7

The leaves are falling fast now, the seasons seem to change so quickly; much like my life.
The life I live through You is so much different than the one before.
I finally see that it's only
Through You I can see love,
Through You I can be love,
Through You I can be someone who helps those in need.

If it's Your grace that sets us free & the knowledge of You is all we need,
Then why are there so many around who say they know You & talk about Your grace but still seem to fade into the crowd?
When will they see it really is
Through You they can see love,
Through You they can be love,
Through You they can reach out to help those in need.

If we really believe in Your grace & love, we should shout it to the lost around us.
If we really want to be Your servants we should let Your love lead our lives.
Help us Lord, to really show them that
Through You we can see love,
Through You we can be love,
Through You we can be the ones reaching out to those in need.

Sunsets are nice...maybe I need to wake up early & see the sunrise?!?

Another picture of the beautiful sunset.

I love the beach!

The beach is a wonderful place! Although on our past couple of trips we have seen couples making out under blankets and/or in cars, in the middle of the day, a young couple smoking pot while holding a toddler amidst the smoke and many other interesting sights, the beach is still such a beautiful place! The ocean sounds alone are enough to keep me coming back. When you add in the sights and scents - I am definitely blessed to live so close to the ocean. I think I really need to take it in a lot more! Not too mention, when we go to Redondo Beach Pier, we sometimes get a churro...and these are the best churros ever! They are made fresh right there & they are better than any churro I've ever had! But yeah, I'm definitely a beach lover! Not a lay-out-in-the-sand-and-feel-dirty lover, but a go-to-the-beach-and-soak-in-the-beauty lover!! On our last visit I took a couple of pictures as the sun was going down...I posted some on my previous post. I think the sunset has to be one of the best models - it is constantly giving the photographer sublte changes that make each shot it's very own.

The beautiful ocean...

Life is good now...

Well, last night was my first practice back as a member of the praise team. It actually went rather well. I am excited to be back!! I feel like this is where I am supposed to be - I just have a real peace & happiness about it. I'm thankful that God is able to use me. Thanks for you prayers in this transition time...keep praying for me & my church. Thanks! I know there is lots more in store for my church. We are getting ready for the 40 Days of Community...I know there are people who are not looking forward to the campaign. While this frustrates me & saddens me, I would ask that you would pray for the leaders to not be discouraged & for the people of my church to participate...even those grumpy people who never participate in anything & who are already complaining about doing something new! Thanks!!! :)

New direction...

Ok, so after lots of praying, thinking & talking to others, I decided to join the praise team again. I really missed singing & felt that's where God wanted me. I know I'm going to miss the nursery, but I was also beginning to miss being in sunday services. I am still going to be the person who organizes the volunteers for both the infant & toddler nurseries & I am the person in charge of making sure both nurseries are stocked with the proper supplies & all that stuff. I start singing again on Oct. 2nd...I'm excited, but it may be a little strange too, since there have been some changes since I left (new people & some of the old people doing different stuff)...I just hope everything goes good.

Frustration...

I have been pretty frustrated lately with the lack of communication and leadership among certain "leaders" at my church. I am feeling that there are certain areas that maybe I need to step up and take leadership...but I'm not too sure? Please pray that God will show me where He wants me. I know He wants me serving Him & He wants me serving His people, but I'm having a little trouble figuring out exactly where...just pray for me. Thanks! :)

Written by my Grandma, Betty Allen...

My grandmother was a manic depressive. She wrote a book of her life (it's not published yet, but I hope to someday publish it) and as I was going through the pages, I came across this...it is like a prose almost or a story about her disease....One Hell of A Ride on the Roller Coaster....When I woke up that morning, I thought it was just another day. Was I ever in for a suprise? My old friend who lives somewhere inside my brain had decided to take me for a long trip. This monster is not like the ones you see and or ride in an amusement park. This demon takes control of your every waking moment. You might as well just sit back and enjoy the trip. Sometimes it takes you shopping and you buy everything you see, whether you need it or not. This time it decided we would clean the house, every single nook and cranny. I don't mean just using the sweeper and dusting. Nothing that simple, we would wash every single thing in the house or the yard. He kept me going all night and all day. I didn't even take time to eat or sleep. Two or sometimes I slept as much as three hours. He kept me going until I could barely make it up the stairs to go to bed. There were nights I had to crawl up the steps, but he showed me no mercy. I got so tired I would fall. I would cut myself and I made large sores on my hands. I bruised my knees until I was just about unable to get up when I sat down. I had always had beautiful fingernails. I abused my hands and tried to hide them so no one could see. We had to go to a social function of some sort and I went to the drug store and bought fake nails and glued them on. We need to name this monster, we can't go just saying the monster. The lowest, meanest thing I can think of is a copperhead snake, so we will just call him Red. Old Red never let up. He made me clean everything in the upstairs; there are three bedrooms and a shower up there. He made me clean all the closets and arrange the clothes in the room that I Had made into a walk-in closet. The clothes must be arranged by color, then skirts, blouses, dresses and everything else. Why he cared about this is beyond my comprehension. Then we started on the jewelry - it had to be put in it's own space. Red just drove me like a slave. I was on this hellish ride and couldn't get off. God have pity on anyone who gets in Red's way. He will just step on them and grind them under his feet. He is not a pretty sight. I haven't seen him but I know how he looks, with his copper bands and his eyes with their crossive slits. I hate him with a vengence, but that just makes him work me harder. It just about drives my darling husband, Neal, crazy. Sometimes I think he understands. He knows I am being driven to do all of these stupid things, but way down inside, I do not think he can comprehend how it really is. I hope he never finds out. Red is always there just waiting for me to jump on the roller coaster. Then he knows that he will take control and make me do some very stupid things. He will make me go shopping and I buy anything I happen to like for that day. Sometime after the first time I was really manic, in 1991, I started watching the Home Shopping Club and wasted about three thousand dollars on junk jewelry. My daughter, Diane and I went to look at some furniture for her house. She didn't buy anything, but Old Red made me get two lazy boy chairs and a new refrigerator. I just whipped out the old plastic...it would get me anything I wanted. Just whip out old plastic and bingo, it would get me anything I happened to want for that moment. That's all that was written...I know there are some edits necessary and it probably was going to go on and become a story, but that's all I've got. But it does shed a little light on how a person who is manic depressive feels at times. It gives a bit of insight how a person feels out of control and not themselves when they are depressed. This has helped me and my views on suicide. My grandma didn't committ suicide, but she has since passed. However, this writing helps me to see how some people I know who have died of suicide, or those who have attempted it, may have felt. Just wanted to share it with others.

Why me?

Ok...so I thought I had a fever blister outbreak on my chest. It seemed like I had a bunch of fever blisters, so I thought I'd go to the doctor, get some medicine and it would be all good. Well, I was wrong. The doctor informed me it was not fever blisters, but rather it was shingles! Yep, you read that correctly, shingles, I have shingles. It started last Tuesday & I found out last Thursday from the Dr. He prescribed some medicine for me and it is slowly going away. But since I volunteer in the infant nursery at church, I had to find someone else to do it for me Sunday...it seems I am contagious, and little babies could've gotten chicken pox from me. I looked up a little online about shingles and I found out the following increase your risk for shingles:

• Being over the age of 50. (okay, I'm only 26??)
• Having a weakened immune system due to another disease, such as diabetes or HIV infection. (I don't have any diseases?!?)
• Developing chickenpox prior to age 1. (hmmm...I did have chickenpox when I was almost a year old or so, I think?!?)
• Having Hodgkin's lymphoma. Up to 25% of people with Hodgkin's lymphoma develop shingles. (yeah, this doesn't apply to me either?!?)

But as I said, the medication that I have to take 5 times a day is working and the outbreak seems to be slowly going away. I just thought that was a very random thing! Random things are always happening to me! I guess that's just the way life goes! :)

Thought of the moment...

"God calls us to be faithful; God doesn't call us to be successful!" - Barbara Johnson

What's up with those?!

Man, what are up with the comments that are really ads?!?? They are really annoying! How can I stop them from being posted? Does anyone know? For now I'll just have to delete them.

writing #6

Baby within me; you are only a dream now.
You are a hope of what will one day come.
The love you represent is beautiful and genuine.
How miraculous you are.
Baby within me; one day I will feel you kick.
I will learn your yes’s and no’s.
You will share your hopes and fears with me.
How creative you are.
Baby within me; you will teach me many things.
I don’t know your name or when you will arrive,
But you already have my love and my acceptance.
How adored you are.
Baby within me; one day you will love.
You will learn about Jesus love and how He made you.
I pray you will share that love with others.
How blessed am I.

Back to the gym...

So for the past couple of weeks I've been going back to the gym. I actually stopped my membership at L.A. Fitness & decided to join one of those women's gyms - it's like Curves, you know where the whole workout routine is pretty much laid out for you & it's a good workout. :) I go to Ladies Workout Express. It's cheaper than L.A. Fitness per month - I'm saving $20/month! Also I enjoy it more & I really feel like I am working out. I also want to get back into running. While I was a cheerleader in high school our trainer had us running at least a mile (4 laps) every day. While we ran the laps around the track, we also had to run the bleachers as part of the lap. Well, a few weeks ago, I don't know what I was thinking, but I went to my old high school & tried to do the same thing I did when I was an in-shape-high-school-cheerleader. Needless to say, I only did one lap, not four or more like I used to. After that first lap, I really thought I was going to pass out!! I thought I was having an asthma attack...and I don't even have asthma!! I was very frustrated that I barely made it around the track one time doing the bleachers. But after talking about that with Nick & my dad, I realize that was stupid! Of course I couldn't make it!! I'm out of shape! So now I have a new goal - to eventually make it around 4 laps (w/bleachers) like I did in high school. I have to start slow. So today, after my workout at the gym, when I got out of my car, I ran one time around my apartment complex...it's a pretty good size complex. I'm guessing it's pretty close to one lap (w/o bleachers). So I'm on my way! Wish me luck!!