Life is good now...

Well, last night was my first practice back as a member of the praise team. It actually went rather well. I am excited to be back!! I feel like this is where I am supposed to be - I just have a real peace & happiness about it. I'm thankful that God is able to use me. Thanks for you prayers in this transition time...keep praying for me & my church. Thanks! I know there is lots more in store for my church. We are getting ready for the 40 Days of Community...I know there are people who are not looking forward to the campaign. While this frustrates me & saddens me, I would ask that you would pray for the leaders to not be discouraged & for the people of my church to participate...even those grumpy people who never participate in anything & who are already complaining about doing something new! Thanks!!! :)

New direction...

Ok, so after lots of praying, thinking & talking to others, I decided to join the praise team again. I really missed singing & felt that's where God wanted me. I know I'm going to miss the nursery, but I was also beginning to miss being in sunday services. I am still going to be the person who organizes the volunteers for both the infant & toddler nurseries & I am the person in charge of making sure both nurseries are stocked with the proper supplies & all that stuff. I start singing again on Oct. 2nd...I'm excited, but it may be a little strange too, since there have been some changes since I left (new people & some of the old people doing different stuff)...I just hope everything goes good.

Frustration...

I have been pretty frustrated lately with the lack of communication and leadership among certain "leaders" at my church. I am feeling that there are certain areas that maybe I need to step up and take leadership...but I'm not too sure? Please pray that God will show me where He wants me. I know He wants me serving Him & He wants me serving His people, but I'm having a little trouble figuring out exactly where...just pray for me. Thanks! :)

Written by my Grandma, Betty Allen...

My grandmother was a manic depressive. She wrote a book of her life (it's not published yet, but I hope to someday publish it) and as I was going through the pages, I came across this...it is like a prose almost or a story about her disease....One Hell of A Ride on the Roller Coaster....When I woke up that morning, I thought it was just another day. Was I ever in for a suprise? My old friend who lives somewhere inside my brain had decided to take me for a long trip. This monster is not like the ones you see and or ride in an amusement park. This demon takes control of your every waking moment. You might as well just sit back and enjoy the trip. Sometimes it takes you shopping and you buy everything you see, whether you need it or not. This time it decided we would clean the house, every single nook and cranny. I don't mean just using the sweeper and dusting. Nothing that simple, we would wash every single thing in the house or the yard. He kept me going all night and all day. I didn't even take time to eat or sleep. Two or sometimes I slept as much as three hours. He kept me going until I could barely make it up the stairs to go to bed. There were nights I had to crawl up the steps, but he showed me no mercy. I got so tired I would fall. I would cut myself and I made large sores on my hands. I bruised my knees until I was just about unable to get up when I sat down. I had always had beautiful fingernails. I abused my hands and tried to hide them so no one could see. We had to go to a social function of some sort and I went to the drug store and bought fake nails and glued them on. We need to name this monster, we can't go just saying the monster. The lowest, meanest thing I can think of is a copperhead snake, so we will just call him Red. Old Red never let up. He made me clean everything in the upstairs; there are three bedrooms and a shower up there. He made me clean all the closets and arrange the clothes in the room that I Had made into a walk-in closet. The clothes must be arranged by color, then skirts, blouses, dresses and everything else. Why he cared about this is beyond my comprehension. Then we started on the jewelry - it had to be put in it's own space. Red just drove me like a slave. I was on this hellish ride and couldn't get off. God have pity on anyone who gets in Red's way. He will just step on them and grind them under his feet. He is not a pretty sight. I haven't seen him but I know how he looks, with his copper bands and his eyes with their crossive slits. I hate him with a vengence, but that just makes him work me harder. It just about drives my darling husband, Neal, crazy. Sometimes I think he understands. He knows I am being driven to do all of these stupid things, but way down inside, I do not think he can comprehend how it really is. I hope he never finds out. Red is always there just waiting for me to jump on the roller coaster. Then he knows that he will take control and make me do some very stupid things. He will make me go shopping and I buy anything I happen to like for that day. Sometime after the first time I was really manic, in 1991, I started watching the Home Shopping Club and wasted about three thousand dollars on junk jewelry. My daughter, Diane and I went to look at some furniture for her house. She didn't buy anything, but Old Red made me get two lazy boy chairs and a new refrigerator. I just whipped out the old plastic...it would get me anything I wanted. Just whip out old plastic and bingo, it would get me anything I happened to want for that moment. That's all that was written...I know there are some edits necessary and it probably was going to go on and become a story, but that's all I've got. But it does shed a little light on how a person who is manic depressive feels at times. It gives a bit of insight how a person feels out of control and not themselves when they are depressed. This has helped me and my views on suicide. My grandma didn't committ suicide, but she has since passed. However, this writing helps me to see how some people I know who have died of suicide, or those who have attempted it, may have felt. Just wanted to share it with others.

Why me?

Ok...so I thought I had a fever blister outbreak on my chest. It seemed like I had a bunch of fever blisters, so I thought I'd go to the doctor, get some medicine and it would be all good. Well, I was wrong. The doctor informed me it was not fever blisters, but rather it was shingles! Yep, you read that correctly, shingles, I have shingles. It started last Tuesday & I found out last Thursday from the Dr. He prescribed some medicine for me and it is slowly going away. But since I volunteer in the infant nursery at church, I had to find someone else to do it for me Sunday...it seems I am contagious, and little babies could've gotten chicken pox from me. I looked up a little online about shingles and I found out the following increase your risk for shingles:

• Being over the age of 50. (okay, I'm only 26??)
• Having a weakened immune system due to another disease, such as diabetes or HIV infection. (I don't have any diseases?!?)
• Developing chickenpox prior to age 1. (hmmm...I did have chickenpox when I was almost a year old or so, I think?!?)
• Having Hodgkin's lymphoma. Up to 25% of people with Hodgkin's lymphoma develop shingles. (yeah, this doesn't apply to me either?!?)

But as I said, the medication that I have to take 5 times a day is working and the outbreak seems to be slowly going away. I just thought that was a very random thing! Random things are always happening to me! I guess that's just the way life goes! :)

Thought of the moment...

"God calls us to be faithful; God doesn't call us to be successful!" - Barbara Johnson

What's up with those?!

Man, what are up with the comments that are really ads?!?? They are really annoying! How can I stop them from being posted? Does anyone know? For now I'll just have to delete them.

writing #6

Baby within me; you are only a dream now.
You are a hope of what will one day come.
The love you represent is beautiful and genuine.
How miraculous you are.
Baby within me; one day I will feel you kick.
I will learn your yes’s and no’s.
You will share your hopes and fears with me.
How creative you are.
Baby within me; you will teach me many things.
I don’t know your name or when you will arrive,
But you already have my love and my acceptance.
How adored you are.
Baby within me; one day you will love.
You will learn about Jesus love and how He made you.
I pray you will share that love with others.
How blessed am I.

Back to the gym...

So for the past couple of weeks I've been going back to the gym. I actually stopped my membership at L.A. Fitness & decided to join one of those women's gyms - it's like Curves, you know where the whole workout routine is pretty much laid out for you & it's a good workout. :) I go to Ladies Workout Express. It's cheaper than L.A. Fitness per month - I'm saving $20/month! Also I enjoy it more & I really feel like I am working out. I also want to get back into running. While I was a cheerleader in high school our trainer had us running at least a mile (4 laps) every day. While we ran the laps around the track, we also had to run the bleachers as part of the lap. Well, a few weeks ago, I don't know what I was thinking, but I went to my old high school & tried to do the same thing I did when I was an in-shape-high-school-cheerleader. Needless to say, I only did one lap, not four or more like I used to. After that first lap, I really thought I was going to pass out!! I thought I was having an asthma attack...and I don't even have asthma!! I was very frustrated that I barely made it around the track one time doing the bleachers. But after talking about that with Nick & my dad, I realize that was stupid! Of course I couldn't make it!! I'm out of shape! So now I have a new goal - to eventually make it around 4 laps (w/bleachers) like I did in high school. I have to start slow. So today, after my workout at the gym, when I got out of my car, I ran one time around my apartment complex...it's a pretty good size complex. I'm guessing it's pretty close to one lap (w/o bleachers). So I'm on my way! Wish me luck!!

Last night I drove around & took pictures...

Pirate parties...

Pirate parties are fun...but just remember, when it's 105 degrees outside & your air conditioner is broken, you are going to get sweaty. Just ask Jacob (the cute little one not looking to happy.)

Found the treasure!

Eye'n more treasure...

...oh yeah, don't forget the cool cake!

See, not so happy when it's hot!

Still hot, sweaty and not so happy!

I passed!

Going to school online has it's ups & downs, one of the things I like about going to an actual classroom is that you have that bit of competitive drive to try and do better than the people in your class; that drive to try and be the best at everything. Well, although that is missing, I still get good reviews from my mentor. I heard from my mentor that I passed my first final exam. It was really easy, but she said I passed with an excellent score & to keep up the good work! That's encouraging news! :) I am all set to take another final in a couple of weeks. If I could just complete all my math assignments I'd be set! I just need to stay focused...it's so hard! Oh well, I know I have to do it, so I will! :)

Those were the days...

Me & my daddy...

Writing #5

The preacher gives a message
And we all feel so elated,
But once I get back home,
My world is devastated.
While the horror grows I try to
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.

"Walking daily in His word,"
It's so much easier to say.
The hate and selfish feelings
Seem to surface every day.
I try to tell myself to
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.

We all just want the peace Christ freely gives -
Why is it so hard sometimes to just let go of all of life's troubles and
Focus on the cross;
Never look to the past;
Try not to compare;
Change the complaints to love;
Grasp hold of His grace.

GOT MILK?

I couldn't resist the cheesy title...this was Keira's first Oreo cookie. Her mommy wasn't around while she was eating it, so I had to take some pics for her. Man, Keira loved that cookie!

I'm alive...I really am!

So I haven't written in like a month...but I've been really busy. It seems like I have less time now than I did before, when I had a full time job?!?! It's really crazy?! Anyway, today I was able to attend the wedding of Sharon Wishard & Kevin Keeton. It's always nice to go to a wedding, but I think it's even better when you think the couple are made for eachother...and I think these two are perfect for eachother. It was a nice day to have a wedding too. The sun was shining, but there was a nice breeze; after the wedding there was yummy cake that everyone ate while standing & sitting around out on the church lawn. After that, a small group of family and friends went to the park to enjoy the beautiful day & to celebrate the wedding of Kevin & Sharon. It was a great day for a picnic in the park! The newlyweds are so happy! It's just so great to see them both so happy! Ok...well enough rambling! I'll have to post something about what's going in my life later...not too much of interest to post though?!

Smile

This song keeps going throught my head...it's from the movie My Girl...actually I think it's from My Girl 2...

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though its breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by, if you smile through your fears and sorrows
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through if you
Light up your face with gladness, hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear, may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just, smile

...I like that song! :) Although, when you really think about the song, it's not too good of an idea to just hide your feelings and pretend to be happy all the time. It really is a bad thing to smile when you feel like crying and to hide every trace of sadness...but now that I think about it, I think lots of people are really like this...I know I am like that a lot to many people...but at least I'm not like that to Nick. I can never hide how I'm feeling from him, even if I try! :) He sees right through it!

New stuff...

Today I got a new laptop...or notebook, as they are mostly called nowadays. I can't wait to put it to some use, but I'm supposed to let it charge first.

Can't sleep...Writing #4...I think...

Perfect, what I thought it would be.
A dream-like place you can't get enough of.
An embrace that sends flutters to the center of your being.
The kiss that invites sweet songs to your mind.
It becomes comfortable; it becomes real.
It is what it is - the hope of what it can be.
It is beautiful in a warped view.
It is imperfect.

Secure with my life...

I feel a little like a housewife today, for the first time since I've been married. I don't have a job that I'm supposed to be at today, I'm supposed to be here, in my house. So I went to the gym, I'm going to wash clothes & I'm going to finally try to finish scrapbooking the pictures from our wedding. Oh & I also need to vacuum & wash a few dishes. I think I like feeling like a housewife...but I'm not sure if my checking account is going to like it? Oh well. I start my online classes tomorrow, June 1st. The first class that I have to take is a course which basically assesses how well you can use the internet & stuff. So it shouldn't be too difficult at all. After that course is finished, I can get into the courses I'm going to need for my teaching degree. I'm so excited! I can't wait to see what my life will be like in 5 years. But I am not going to put any ideas into my head...I'm going to just see where the Lord leads me. It's fun to see what adventures God places in our lives. It also gives me a sense of security, even though I don't know what's coming....that sounds a little weird, but it's so true. :)